sunbathing in words, pining for space, resting in tranquility.
this week, i am happy to say, has been LAAAZZZYYY. upon being laid off in february, i have not had a pajama day or movie day at all. this week i gave myself a vacation from whatever it is i do, and let myself sleep until ungodly hours of the afternoon, stayed in grungy pajamas until 3pm, watched movies and tv shows until i had cricks in my neck, baked and ate whatever i wanted, and just lived a generally hedonistic lifestyle. i realize i may have just described someones version of hell...hell, it might be my own hell. who knows?
mood. MOOD i tell you, it's everything. i can alter my mood with certain outside elements, but i am still so surprised how my reality is dictated by something as simple as chemical makeup. well, i suppose it is much more than that...i mean, it's a mix of needs being met/not met, purpose being found/not found, feelings being hurt/not hurt, soul being listened to/not listened to, friends being had/not had...etc.
if i had to pick two things right now i want almost more than anything (and babies don't count), i would say 1- focus, and 2- space. In the last few months, I have been so desperately scattered, ready to apply to graduate school one afternoon and then loosing my gusto and ready to attack a career in writing. This even affects my everyday to do lists, and this never used to happen to me. I am a "get it done" girl and now I am the "meh" girl. I am slow and distracted and not terribly unhappy being this way. However, it does make the smallest tasks harder than they ever were...but who needs to vacuum anyway?
And space. sigh. Joel and I so much want room to expand our soul's desires: hobby rooms, personal reading/writing spaces, a yard, a garden, a big ol' bathtub. how is this ever going to be possible if we want to maintain our urban lifestyle? so many people live in so much LESS space than we do, and I really want that mentality. After all, more space means more junk, right? I don't care to amass a lot of things, I just want room to stretch out my soul wings.
But we are in the city. We have a gorgeous apartment and a cat we love so stinkin much. We have family and friends all around us, all of which are really quite exemplary. We have money for food, wine, candles, coffee, shoes...really, what the hell am i complaining about?
Like joel said tonight, is the wanting space just the next thing to want? Is space the new black?
Instead of space, I fill my time reading way too many design blogs, writing a ton (i am up to four or five pages per day, even though most of it is in correspondence), taking pictures, baking, sitting in the sun, watching Party Down (it's pretty funny. if you liked Arrested Development, check it out), and taking life very, very slowly.
I suppose when I think about it, I'll take tranquility over space any day.
On an happy note, since she was a hit on the last blog post...back by popular demand...I give you Octavia in her second camera debut.