my professional career as a wanna be

okay.
this is seriously wack.

CAMERA?
what the hellz!
your backordered status
is makin me achin.

i hate the biatch who stole my schiz.

peace out.





(insert picture of me looking very hip-hop. you'll have to use my imagination since i have no camera)

a vision in the tall grasses of self-care

close your eyes.
now open them.

you see up as you lie down.
you see the vast heated blue.
you see two swallows playing tag.
you see the wind flirting through the cedars' skirts.
you see the longest strings of grass leaning over your face as they tickle and twist.
you see the perfect way this grass frames the sky above you.
you see the sweetest heave-hoe of his sleep'ed breath.
you are napping in the field in the late summer sun.

close your eyes.
now open again.

you see the one you love as the child they once were.
you see your future.
you see that you are childhood companions.
you see how much he has taught you, for instance
you see that you've never even once reposed in such tall grass.
you see that if you can continue to reclaim the childhood you wanted, then finally and clearly
you see hope.


________
Self-Care Sunday Report:
1. Oysters fresh caught.
2. Bouquet of the sweetest peas.
3. Delightful bit of Savignon Blanc to take the edge off Saturday night's hard partying.
4. Lying in the grass and watching Abbey learn to use her puppy legs to swim.
5. Mom's cherry pie made with her freshly picked cherries.
6. A solitary wander in the garden, stealing ripened berries and fondling yellow roses.
7. Hands of warmth and love to rub all the pain away.
8. A family walk through the woods after dinner.
9. The residual good feeling of having a camera in my hands last night (totally stolen from a friend). See results below!
10. Hot, hot bath with mask.


In this season, the blessings abound.
I can hardly keep up with the contentment.


And my eyes have never been more wide-open.

candaceruth

Lewis and Gang Reunion June 2009

my professional career as a poetress

i lost my camera.
i ordered a new camera.
this camera is back ordered.
i think i might just die.

~crm

Speaking of...

Well, it's approaching my newly imposed (read before midnight) bed-time here, and I am fighting off my late-night urges towards the mint and chip divinity
that lurks in my freezer. lately, i've been taking to dipping my oreo's in it as well.
but i CAN'T tonight,
for you see my dears...i've already had desert!
the tall lover i call the saint took me on an after-dinner walk.
we somehow ended up at Top Pot donuts.
we split a plain old-fashioned and a cup of drip.
the perfect date night...for only $2.35.

We had to take this aforementioned after-dinner walk
because of the well-timed and well-executed dinner i made for my hard working mister.
i baked a whole fryer chicken (which was covered in olive oil and thyme)
for 1.5 hours.
i then made mashed potatoes
and mom's famous cooked carrots from some beauties we bought at the market yesterday.
i then tossed up a salad with the lettuce and tomato also purchased at the market,
and everything came out on the table as hot as could be
within 10 minutes of joelio walking through the door no less.
though i am no gourmet cook, i can multi-task like a mo fo!

if i would have been a really good wife,
i would have had kelly's famous chocolate cookies baking as well.
but i am not a really good wife.
only a multi-tasking, cleaning, organizing, bill-paying, sexy one.
c'est la vie.

speaking of the market,
i am sitting in front of the most GORGEOUS bouquet of peonies
that i hand-picked from a vendor yesterday.
if only i had my camera,
you could see them too!
they are bursting open, 6 whites and 3 deep pink.

speaking of my camera,
you will be happy to know that the saint purchased me a new one.
i shouldn't complain, because at least we had the money
but i had to use savings and that savings was going towards this:

i do not regret it.
because i was seriously missing an appendage without my wee point and shoot,
but STILLLLLLL.
sigh.
it should arrive in 5 more business days.


speaking of sigh,
my sweet kitty has decided that our bed (even with me in it)
is the new place for her to use the restroom.
she did this once when we were out of town, and now we cannot really get the smell out of the mattress.
consequently, she keeps going back to that same spot
despite all our creative best efforts to redirect her.
i have washed both pair of my sheets 3 times each in the last month.
and now, to make sure it stops...
we need a new mattress.
SIGH.
the matress we have now is a $1ooo mattress
(donated to us when we were first married).
DOUBLE SIGH.
so
for now,
kitty is banned from the bedroom.

this makes me sad because i love to cuddle with her in the mornings when she
walks on me and lays right in the crick of my neck and purrs her little heart out.
but her walking on me
the other night
did not produce such cute results.

today is not lost, however.
i had a lovely lunch with devon - who made me a wonderful meal and escorted my soul
around her lovely garden.

today also marks the launch of my new little project,
in case you didn't have enough of my writing as represented in three blogs.
my fourth one can be found by clicking on the picture to the right, up top, to the right of my portrait
over there------------->>>
don't tell anyone it's me.
it's a secret!
the secret snob...

You are very good to listen,

candaceruth

Never too late...

It always does my soul quite good to hang out with my father, the one who raised my husband. A good man begetting a good man is rare and moving to behold.

and to me, he's been redemption.

_____

And to my step-father, the man that was always there. Always steady. Always willing. Always eager to love. Always remembers me...

_____

And to my daddy...whose enigmatic, broken love still bolsters me, despite everything.

_____

and to a few other dads who are setting a new standard for fatherhood in our generation.
i admire you, boys.

_____


and to those to be a father this year...

Happy Father's Day.

A bright white bundle of peony, honoring a father I really like, a scalding bath, a facial mask, early to bed, falling asleep to the silence of summer rain.

How was your self-care Sunday?
crm

a really freaking good life

My sister has bestowed upon me the highest honor. I get to bequeath a middle name to my zygote of a niece, Lily. Come November, I will be naming my goddaughter.

The goodness of this lingers in my soul.

I have spent the last 18 hours in the company of my favorite red. Having had a wonderful lunch with my gals (minus two :( ), Jess and I wandered to a cheap mani/pedi. We have then spent the afternoon lazying around the house watching old reruns and crying. It's pretty normal for us.

The goodness of this lingers in my soul.

I have had truly intimate support sessions of women I cannot get over. I have spent time lounging around one of my favorite light-filled apartments and hanging with the souls that embody the cutest little feline bodies. I have eaten 5 oreos (TJ's non corn syrup version) and helped finish a bottle of rosé and spoonfuls of yummy gespatcho.

The goodness of this lingers in my soul.

And though I want:

1. a baby
2. a bookstore
3. a brewery
4. a belearn'd MA in literature
5. a best-of-the-best writing and photography career
6. a buxom chest

I have found that today...
I have a really freaking good life...doing really not much at all.

crm

2 du la matin: J'écris

I should never be blogging this late, for inevitably I am maudlin. I have just finished quite a few episodes of my third run through of "Sex and the City," and before you roll your eyes, I think I have something to say that doesn't (only) include gushing over chanel, manolo, and dior.

I also willingly admit that I've shed a few tears (not uncommon for these leaky eyes) at a particularly well-written episode in season 6 (if you watch, it's the one where Charlotte has a miscarriage and watches the Elizabeth Taylor story, as well as the one where Miranda and Steve say "I love you" in the linen closet) and again the feeling of the profundity of storytelling descended upon me.

It always amazes me when I break it down. I just stared at a computer monitor for 1 hour and was completely attached to women that are entirely fictional, fabricated, NOT REAL. I have felt for them (and many many more) what I have felt for only my most intimate friends and lover(s). It's stupid and entirely remarkable. It's how I feel towards Jane in Jane Eyre or towards Cal in East of Eden, how Joel feels towards Spock and Han. We find absolutely real attachment to completely imagined people. The way I feel right now about the lives of four women is how I want people to feel about something I may write. To call forth tears from a living being because of something I wrote...to have them leave inspired, in awe of the power of words...feeling connected and empathetic towards something I created. This is truly a powerful thing. We get to live all the lives of all the fictional characters to whom we can relate, and this brings great healing, excitement, and perspective to my rather simple life.

To enrich a human life such as I am enriched in this very moment...
this, my friends...this is why I write.

that, and I would die if I didn't.

Here’s to the written word and the power of imagination,

candaceruth

to what fictional characters are you attached?



p.s.
I am dying every minute I don't have my camera...

Celebratory Mussels: Deadline Met

I am bleary-eyed and sleepy this fine summer evening. I am waiting for my lover to prepare our celebratory dinner of mussels & frites and white wine. Oh, he just popped out and said "5 more minutes." Goodies!!!!

We are celebrating my successful ability to meet a deadline! I have had such an interesting journey through the whole process - from crippling fear to writer's block to euphoric glee to the habits I've formed in order to write (ranging from having to wear slacks and heels and sit at a desk, needing either coffee or booze, and being inspired by BLARING classical or 80s music)- all stumbled upon in a gamut of Seattle's coffee shops (turns out I cannot write at home as well as in public). I turned it in at 2:30am last night and am quite excited to embark on the rounds of editions with "MY EDITOR." (I've always wanted to say that!) I never expected to feel so validated and proud of myself. In the recovery of a lifetime where I felt neither of things things, it is especially emotional for me now.

Look for the 4th edition of Antler Magazine coming out June 25th.

the joy of saying "i have a deadline"

i appreciate your support as well. i know first hand that it's sometimes hard to celebrate someone else's success. i also know it can be harder to celebrate your own.
oh but dears, our time is surely coming.

Here’s to you,

candaceruth

Greetings Sunday. Come on in...

Stiff back, morning yoga.
Steamed shower, poached egg.
Orange off the shoulder, blue flats.
Salty sea air, umbrella'd skies of gray.
Farmer's market, lemon and sugar crepe.
Sound of lens snap, forwarded film.
Double short latte, flirty walk home.
Long kisses in the kitchen, big green eyes bat their lashes.
Washed strawberries, goodness of fresh-caught (this morning) mussels.
Productive photo shoot, the kindness of friend and neighbor.
He leaves but his goodness lingers.
Wishes for boating, friends ever-hospitable.
Saying no because "I have a deadline."
Solo work day, article quite near satisfactory.
Loud Ulrich Schnauss, hours of photo editing.
Caprese on crackers, Montepulciano d'Abruzzo swirling in glass.

Living. Breathing.
Goodness.

Sunday.

candaceruth

What's been for you today? It's self-care Sunday!

Tragedy befalls Chateau Bookling

I am heartsick over the loss. Dear friends, I have regrettably left my camera at a restaurant, and no one has called to say she has been found. I am distraught, and before you think I am being maudlin, know that this particular family member has much sentimental value.

She was given to me by my sister as a "congratulations on surviving but I am glad your out of teaching" gift. That was FOUR years ago this week, just before Teresa also bought Joel and my way on an Alaskan Cruise. Sigh.

Over these last four years, I have found a part of myself come alive through the lens of that trusty little point and shoot canon. I was not a photographer when she came into my life, and now I am.

But what is a photographer with no camera?

The mister and I are off to find a good deal on a newer one, but I am still so very sad indeed. Good thing I had just emptied the pictures.

Plead with the gods for me in my canon's name.
Plead with me to the gods that what was lost shall be found,

candace

Tonight...

For those of you who don't know, I won tickets to the Parasol Party from coco+kelly..and quite a lovely time was had (including meeting the lovely miss cassandra lavelle).

More to come...

CRMorris

Mercredi: Proving to myself that I am not wasting my life

INSTRUCTIONS: BEFORE YOU READ THIS POST, SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM AND BEGIN THE SOUNDTRACK.

I have graduated from French I as of last night, and I was even complimented on my accent, merci beaucoup (it's about time, since this is the 3rd French class I have taken). In celebration, I wandered to my favorite house in the country today to learn another endeavor...how to sew.

My multi-talented and resourceful mother-in-law scrounged a pattern for me, originally made my her own mother in the late 50s. We lost grandma jessie last February, so it has been really touching to handle a pattern of a dress she would have handled. This dress already has a lot of meaning for me as 1) it was grandma's pattern 2) it's an excuse to absorb the gracious and nurturing company of my mom and 3) it will be the first piece of clothing I have ever made. I hope to have it finished by my 31rst birthday. Who will take me to tea so I can show it off? It was a wonderful day, complete with mom's yummy lattes, a wander in the garden (hellooo peony!), and a lunch on the deck. Though we only completed the cutting today, we'll soon be sewing!

Wednesdays are also becoming one of my favorite days of the week, as I have met my best boy Benji for happy hour three weeks in a row. We have embarked upon a mission to find Seattle's best German pub, and he's agreed to be my judge, of course. This fits into another project I have been working on as well, a blog of Seattle's eats...soon to come. I do love the easy-going flow of Ben's soul. If you are lucky enough to sit in his presence, I know you know of what I speak.

There are some gracious, still, kind souls around which it is just good for me to be.

And so I bed myself this evening, content from the mint n'chip and transient June breeze, and in the words of Emiliana Torrini, I am " full of wine and steady, nothing brings me down."

candaceruth