Showing posts with label personal education. Show all posts

"Momentum, for the sake of Momentum"*


I see the moss being ripped from the stones of my brain, the soil in reluctant acquiescence to the bounty and strength of my own internal, intellectual Spring.  Ideas, thoughts, dreams all begin to roll, to gain momentum where once they were still and cozy in their bed.

I underestimated the energy that this small writer's workshop would provide toward my own self-education.  I suddenly have a strong desire to methodize my work, to keep hours, to create a studio space and altar for writing, to submit rough drafts, t,o attend book readings, to read and read and read.  Even the people I want to read has changed drastically.  While I still have a great reverence for the literature of the great past, I have a new hunger to read these names I am encountering in the class.  It all started with Cheryl Strayed, but from there I have been devouring the brilliant poetry of Brenda Shaughnessy, the writing wisdom of Natalie Goldberg, the rhetoric of Jessica Valenti, the lyrical non-fiction of Lidia Yuknavich.

It's as if I just learned to read and I am hungry for more and more words.  A world has opened itself before my eyes and I am jumping into it.  Authors I never cared to know about, books that seemed too easy, too modern.

I am asking myself all kinds of questions, really hard questions...but I am also finally empowered enough to feel as though I can actually answer them for myself.  To define myself as writer based on MY principles and preferences and definition of success, and not what I assume it should be.  I hear this voice saying,"I can do this!" whereas I used to hear it question, "Wait, can I do this?". I have to tell you, it's impossibly thrilling!

Forsythia from Mom's

Even more Forsythia!

Forsythia in sunlight

Standing under the canopy of a very old cherry

Cherry Blossoms line our streets

I love the contrast of old to new growth

Driveways lined with Camilla flowers

Weeping Cherries are one of my very favorites

What a great house

Daphne!


In other movement, Spring has certainly sprung in Seattle.  In an effort to exercise more (and to get Bowie out of the house), the baby and I have been walking all around our lovely neighborhood on what I call 'noticing' walks.  I probably look crazy, since I am carrying Bowie on my back and people must think I am actually talking to myself, but I speak to her of all the trees and plants and birds that I happen to know.  We touch them and smell them and take photos of them.

In even more movement, I have decided to make Kombucha!  The first batch is brewing as we speak, so I am hoping beginner's luck will smile upon me.



And last, but never least, Bowie has also gained momentum in a few areas.  She cut her second tooth, has tried (and loved) rice cakes, is on the brink of crawling, and has decided to grow hair in the style of 80s punk rock.  I am proud.




*Neko Case

2013 Resolutions

It's a bit late, I realize.  However, I feel obliged to my record-keeping self to evaluate last year's resolutions and present this year's.

2012 Resolutions:
2012 Resolutions

Of the 10 items listed above, I can proudly claim 3 as complete.  This is a stark drop from the 2011 Resolutions, of which I completed 11/17.  I am unsure why I didn't write "Gestate" on the goals, or perhaps something I knew would be a momentous achievement, you know something like PUSH A BABY THROUGH MY VAGINA!  Oh well.  Sometimes we can be unfair to ourselves, setting life up to fail.  This year, I promise to be more realistic.  I have learned a good lesson about lists as it is, being a new mom.  They have to be more flexible and I have to let it go.  That being said, I still receive a disgusting amount of peace and happiness from arranging my to-dos on paper.

COMPLETE:
I did see Radiohead (which, let's be honest, does this count as a resolution?  I already had the tickets when I made this list.  Too easy, crm.  Too easy.).
I did plant a few flowers this spring, a sweet little window box adorned the kitchen for a time.
I did visit CA family more than I had done the year before.

MEDIUM COMPLETE:
For several months early in the year (the expected duration of most resolutions), I was reading and writing letters on Sunday Morning.  Some proof even exists.

FAIL COMPLETE:
I completely forgot to practice meditation.
I most certainly did not live with less (since pregnancy requires new clothing)
Not only did I not save 3-months of our salaries, I failed to retain a job.
No breakfast nook.
I don't even know where my copy of "TBK" lives.
The chair is Joel's project.

I feel no sense of failure.  In fact, I find these items quite amusing.

But enough of that.  Onward!  Out with the old! In with the new! Champagne!
I am quite pleased with these goals.  I feel they are kinder to myself and certainly more realistic.

-Drink 32oz of water before morning coffee/tea:
I have noticed that my problematic neck becomes even more painful with coffee and booze.  This can often be counteracted if I drink water beforehand.  I want to make it a more permanent practice.  In fact, as I write this, my mason jar of water sits contentedly empty as I sip my coffee.

-Protect sacred morning quiet:
From the star, I think you'll see the obvious prioritization of this item.  Since Bowie is her most calm and happy in the mornings, she can entertain herself somewhat quietly while she watches mom journal.  (Incidentally, this also fulfills one of my recent observations that Bowie is going to get her picture of what a mom/wife does by watching me.  It want this picture to contain images of soul-work in addition to chores.  I've therefore made a concerted effort to have her observe me journaling, reading, listening to Rachmaninoff  etc, as well as doing the dishes, making dinner, folding laundry, etc).  Any-who, I have found that protecting even just 30 min of quiet first thing greatly eases my anxiety throughout the rest of the day.  I don't check my email or my phone or computer.  I either journal or read or meditate, and I resist the strong urge to fuss about the house tidying.

-Get back to yoga:
I went to yoga classes all throughout the pregnancy, and I really miss it now.  I need to prioritize my class, and it's extremely difficult with our schedules.  Maybe I can also work it in at home.

-No screens in bed:
I recently read an article about sleep, and apparently in order to assist restorative sleep, the human eye needs to not look at a screen for 1-hour prior.  We always get into bed and screen ourselves, where once I used to simply read a book.  I will try to get back to this practice.

-Personal education:
This is a response to feeling the emptiness of mental stimulation as I stay home with Bowie.  I have organized a self-directed study in Women's Studies which I am extremely excited about.  My Christian education didn't really prepare me for this - as you may or may not know, 'feminism' is a dirty dirty word in that realm.  I'm extremely ready to deconstruct this. (I may have used the word extremely a few times here.  Note emphasis),

In the last two years, I've also become fascinated by science and the cosmos.  In this fascination, I have also discovered a shameful gap in my knowledge.  I am therefore desirous to do another self-directed (by Joel) course in the cosmos.  This will happen initially by viewing 'Cosmos' by Carl Sagan, as well as continuing to read this very fascinating book. I am sure this beginning will lead me to other scientists and research projects.


Be resolute, my fellow sojourners.
crm