i am one clairvoyant s.o.b.

September 10, 2008 Candace Morris 22 Comments

my therapist thinks i am mildly depressed - clinically.

Apparently she has thought so for two years now, but out of her wisdom, never told me my insurance-necessary diagnosis for fear of self-fufilling prophecy. Turns out I am prophetic without even knowing it.

that word clinical is funny.
what the hecks does it mean?!!!
as in i am depressed WHEN i am in a clinic? well, bien sur!

for the record. i have never been in a clinic.

not that there's anything wrong with it, if you really need the help.
but just to clear up the TERMS and intensity of my insanity.

I have ten pockets full of analytical and valid reasons for this onset of depression - and the truth is? I didn't even recognize it because it feels like my normal melancholy self.
Only - it's not.
It's a decided LACK of motivation and fight for life...which I typically have in abundance.
I cannot feel as deeply as usual.
I cannot get enough sleep - why wake up (even after 10+ hrs) if the dreams are so much better than reality? Sadly, my reality is lovely. I just cannot seem to feel it or experience it as I know I could.
I cannot make myself want to do ANYTHING other than live vicariously through other people's fake lives (hello entertainment binge of last weekend).

Anyway, I swore I wasn't going to bore you with the self-analytical suspicions I have as to why I am depressed, but my favorite answer to why I am downtrodden? I just have to share this ONE.

It has been almost 1 whole month since I have ordered a new piece of plumeage from MisssyMissMz PLUME (pronoucned vis russian accent) since June!!! Perhaps when I can again see a PLUS sign in my checkbook sometime this month, I will be curing my Vitamin D deficiency and lack of exercise (sorry, couldn't help giving more reasons) with this:

or perhaps this: The Jot Down a Poem necklace

or ZISSS!!!

The Gentled But Not Broken ring that flew away to a home EONS ago
But I still think of you, dear.

Yes, yes. I believe these would lift my spirits indeed.
That and moving to Scotland to pursue my MA in Romantic Modernity.

~here's to a deeply-felt life,

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