le force

October 21, 2008 Candace Morris 2 Comments

I have spent the majority of the morning writing.

Writing blogs.
Writing comments on blogs.

And now, I think I will write a letter.

But before I leave you for the scratch of pen to paper, I really MUST do something. I have to force myself today out of this black hole of soul-sucking depression - and while typically I am unable to do so, I feel transitory today - more hopeful of the sunny light and feel like it's juuuusssttt.baarrely out of my greedy grasp. So here, I will try my best to help it along.

I found this SP quote (which was also listed on the booklings blog, sorry for the repeat if you have taken the time to read TWO of my blogs today. hey, i told you i have spent the majority of the day writing.)

"But in the midst of this terrible sorrow, this sickness, this weariness, this fear, I spin still: there is still the blessing of the natural world and those simply loved ones and all to read and see" (227) {emphasis mine}.

So today, I am going to list the hell out of my blessings:
  • classical music in a solo elevator ride
  • the pastry counter i walked by downtown
  • personal health
  • full fridgerator with all necessary elements (aka, booze)
  • the pilot P-700 fine point pen
  • the perfume sample i pilfered from the november bazaar i leafed through at lunch
  • homemade buns
  • turning the pages in my SP Journals.
  • joelio's warm body that nighly serves to nurse my icy feet back to feeling. every.single.night. (he doesn't even wake up to the shock!)
  • the delightful clinkity-clink of a pair of earrings niki got me for my bday
  • the crashing of two trees in thomas st. park. one is this deep, black-plum and the other is a bright mustard. the after-effect is stunning.
  • my wedding ring
  • good earth tea
  • sharp, but not too sharp, pencils with which to underline SP's words.
  • an active mind that thrives on learning
  • amazon's new universal wish list button. basically, you can add this button to your toolbar and then CLICK it anytime you want to add ANYTHING YOU SEE on the internet to your amazon wish list. it's pretty great.
  • the anticipation of our 6yr anniversary vacation...visualizing myself relaxed and far away
  • bulleted lists
  • a well-paying job
  • photographs of good things
  • a low-maintenance, five minute hair doooo

You have no idea how friggen long this list took me to write what with juggling how each of these blessings brought in its mental wake a worry, frustration, or small rant. I will spare you the comparison, but if I sat to write all that was urking me today, it would be like a quick shot of fast-actin' tequila with no hestitation between pours. sigh.

le sigh.......

but, i was determined to (le) force myself to do it.

i feel no different; i am sure i just need to practice more.
practice makes perfect (optimism).


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