the weekend was a retreat for me, exactly what i needed it to be, methinks.
joelio and i spent saturday in a rather vigorous (and dare i say fun? yes, I dare) house-cleaning and organizing. then, we spent six hours with the oldest of friends, court and tyler, and laughed quite a bit...this felt good, oh so good indeed. after a scalding hot bath, i, for once, was in bed before joel, and fell asleep to the lingering amber musk of incense and thelonious monk.
sunday was a surprisingly therapeutic and soulful release.
we walked up to St. Mark's Cathedral and enjoyed the services there - the music! Oh the music...it's something I probably would have paid to hear, and as I have been craving a choir (i have been singing my whole life, did you know?), perhaps this is the one I can join! A baritone did a solo today from Hayden, and I was almost undone. The choir loft is behind the pews in this gorgeous landmark of a cathedral, and I adore staring at out of the glass windows, listening to this musical prayer. In addition to the music, I was moved deeply taking the Eucharist - the hot wine filling my soul with tears and contrition.
I felt today, for the first time in a long while,
That I cannot actually do everything independently of god, no matter how much flight he gives my wings.
How foolish of me to not see the truth that i am under his wing.
I have lots of faith to beleive that he trusts me to take flight after he has trained me.
And faith to beelive that even when I think I am a skilled flyer,
I am still just tucked under his wing.
I hate this idea.
I love this idea.
Enter the dichotomous nature of trying to understand the divine.
We then walked home in the drizzly perfection of rain Seattle affords, and proceeded to make tea and eggs. After our nourishment, we headed to mom and dad's for our weekly family visit. I sneaked out to the garden with joel for a second and grabbed up some memories. I took a nap in front of the fire place. I ate mom's borsch - which means it's officially autumn.
I now sit before you.
Candle lighted in the dim house.
Happy to bear some of my soul.
Gregorian chant playing.
I hope dimanche, domingo, sunday has brought you:
perspective of the mystery of your life.
rain to cleanse and awaken your soul.
music to quiet any nagging thoughts of tomorrow.
and plenty of hugs from your loved ones.
|A Romp 'Bout the Garden|
i know i was made for more than this.
and i feel sorry i haven't found it quite yet.
i sit in this meditative silence and ponder
another life for me.
i think i would have joined a convent,
not because i am desirous of virtue, singleness, or segregation,
but because a life dedicated to
solitude, study, and focused devotion to soul, spirit, and divinity,
sounds simple and good to me tonight.