in the raw
when we are rawsomething opens in our wonderland
and through the cavern of pity we fall
we look at others
surely i could be happy in their lives.
what are they complaining about anyway?
they have art and projects to keep them busy
they have talents and opportunities
they have energy and inspiration
they have a home and a garden
but i know this isn't true.
i know these people
and their lives are anything but easy
or full of boundless energy
or inspiration
or good vegetables.
to the muse's most tortured subject
inspiration is still the illusive doe
and boredom sets in
[when did ennui become an existential crisis]
i am considering taking up cross-stitching.
does catching up on LOST
really constitute as something to do?my mind craves inspiring distraction
a way to help these days
( this pain )
pass more quickly
and less noticed
but noticing is what i do.
i set my new coffee cup randomly on a book
and bend down to pick up my niece
and suddenly,
orange
turquoise.
and tears.
it was the most beautiful thing i'd seen all day
and when abiding in a den of grief,
when enduring a whiplash of shock
when currents of adrenaline-filled anger dangle you by the throat
when the deluge of saltwater fogs up the mirror
[you can find no beauty in yourself]
when strawberries taste like overripe guilt
it is then that
this stunning sight
shines that much brighter.
and i notice a bit more.
the light that streams in at the sun's setting
sits on my skin like my husband's gentle hands
notice
begets
notice
~crm
10 comments:
I think in writing this you made an incredibly beautiful and emotional piece of art.
The kind you can't help but re-read until it sinks into your bones.
What a gift.
xoxoxoxoxox,
Allison
Your closing lines, "notice / begets / notice" made me grateful to live in world where sunlight on a man's hands follows orange and turquoise. Thank you.
beautiful words. you amaze me.
I had the urge to re-read as well so it could sink my bones. I love the line about strawberries and guilt. can't wait to see you published some day. I'd love a book of your words to have constantly in my physical presence.
oh candace...you're truly incredible. moving piece of writing.
love and admiration
j
Sometimes I think your voice must sound like nothing more than the beating and whooshing of a pounding heart. You speak it so.
I never leave here untouched.
xoxo
jess
your words always stir my soul... they make my spirit sit up & pay more attention to my surroundings & leave me breathless.
{hugs}
Johanna
I too must join this group of souls who are left gripping at words and heart beats when they read your words... you are as the best writers are mme; honest, and beautiful in the raw.
p.s. sent another envelope bound for San Diego this afternoon...
Wow. Thank you all so much for your affirmation here. I am moved and feel so loved when I see myself through your eyes.
Allison - got your post today. Oh thank you.
Lizzy...yes...yes, exactly. Sigh.
Niks...thank you so much for your presence. Any art I might happen upon intentionally or otherwise would be lesser without your eyes and without sharing your life.
jordan - as always, you are such a support and beauty. i relish your comments.
jess - what an interesting metaphor...it's stuck with me ever since you wrote it. thank you for helping me hone my voice and find true support in the midst of art...and pain.
johanna - oh how I crave this to be true! thank you so much for saying so. a life fear is to die without anyone truly knowing what was going on inside of me AND without ppl finding inspiration. thank you for this important validation.
emily - your letters, your dark hair, your snow white loveliness...your red shoes...these all bring me great beauty. i am blessed to call you my friend and sister.
I love you naked. And I agree this is something you can't read just once, but again and again until it's in your bones.
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
P.S. can't wait to have you on my deck next weekend :)
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