le fin du septembre
1. aug31 (11), 2. aug31 (14), 3. Aug 31 - Stopping by the Woods 1, 4. Aug31- Stopping by the woods 2, 5. sept 1, 6. sept 1, 7. Sept 2- the laundress, 8. Sept 3 - sigh. el fin de la dia., 9. Sept 3. - never as it seams, 10. Sept 4 - coming back to life, 11. Sept 4 - going places, 12. Candace with Huge Eyes, 13. Sassy-Ass in BW, 14. Sept 5 - nightly ritual, 15. Sept 8, 16. Sept 8, 17. Sept 9, 18. Sept 9, 19. Sept 11 - "aren't you clever" face., 20. Sept 12, 21. Sept 13 - Boom Noodles, 22. Sept 13 - Boom Noodles, 23. Sept 13 - Boom Noodles, 24. Sept 14 - only the beginning, 25. Sept 15 - a lunch chat, 26. Sept 16 - trite banalities of the day, 27. Sept 17, 28. Sept 17, 29. Sept 19 - The Cheat, 30. Sept 19
1. Sept 23 - office reverie, 2. Sept 23 - the work room, 3. Sept 23 - a copy of a copy, 4. Sept 23 - a blur of daily elevation, 5. Sept 24 - attempting the ascent, 6. Sept 24 - a deliberate reach, 7. Sept 24 - laisser aller, 8. Sept 25 - du temps en temps, 9. Sept 28 - 2:37, 10. Sept 28 - supplication in sephia, 11. Sept 28, 12. sept 28 - an evening in grandma's chair, 13. Sept 30 - orange sprouts and hopeful thoughts
something has happened to my eye in this exercise.
mine eyes see me in a different way.
it marks me, tells me i have lived and
am living.
even when no one is looking but me.
thank you umberdovely.
what's next? :)
Thanks for the date, books.
Maybe you will get lucky later.
But for now,
I am off to scald myself in hot water.
so now i put to bed day 2 of experiment.
~crm
mine eyes see me in a different way.
it marks me, tells me i have lived and
am living.
even when no one is looking but me.
thank you umberdovely.
what's next? :)
in other news,
my day was rough beginnings (had anxiety, stayed home, you know the drill) but i worked well at home today and joelio-eh-oh came home early to sit with me a while. i took one of those long showers where you carefully remove all the shame and guilt via exfoliation and repeat your friends' words "be good to yourself."
and i was.
my day was rough beginnings (had anxiety, stayed home, you know the drill) but i worked well at home today and joelio-eh-oh came home early to sit with me a while. i took one of those long showers where you carefully remove all the shame and guilt via exfoliation and repeat your friends' words "be good to yourself."
and i was.
joel and i managed to go through lots of boxes in an effort to move them into a real storage space located OFF SITE, and sold $16 worth of books and VHS tapes to Half Price Books...and then promptly marched to B&O for the lentil soup. It was like books paid for dinner.
Thanks for the date, books.
Maybe you will get lucky later.
But for now,
I am off to scald myself in hot water.
so now i put to bed day 2 of experiment.
~crm
7 comments:
the experiment seems like a success so far. would you say? i didn't construct the experiment, so i don't know what the desired outcomes are...
i have loved seeing you this month.
exfoliate. reveal new skin, which is actually old skin that's been underneath the whole time. discover the smoothness, innocence, beauty, that has always been there. shrug off what encumbers and take flight.
I think the experiment was a huge success. Something changed as the month went on, and you really became more and more beautiful - and I don't think that it is just me. I think you truly did begin to view yourself as art and that new view manifested itself in your poses, expressions, colors.
I am proud of you.
lady birds,
to clairfy:
1. the experiement i was referring to at the end of this scattered post was the experiemtn of the week, the experiment of of solitude. and kristen, that is isnteretsing - asking me what my desireed outcomes are an stuff.
i think to say it simply -
the desired outcome is to feel better.
-to feel safer in relationships.
-to be poor w/out relying on the pity of others.
-to reconnect with joel
-to nest in our home so it starts feeling more like home.
so yeah, i think i am feeling better about all of those things.
tell me kjk, if i am a porcupine, how can i fly?
umber,
the experiment you refer to has yes, been very good indeed for me. i love how i FREAKED out with details at the beginning, and yet found my own niche and enjoyed it immensely. there is something VERY revelaing about the soul when it shows to others how it views itself.
turns out i think i am growing, beautiful, and imperfect.
sigh of relief.
i thought i was none of the above for much too long.
the grammar and spelling in that comment?
ATROCIOUS.
"turns out i think i am growing, beautiful, and imperfect."
it is right to claim these things, especially the last. there is hope in imperfection that would not exist if we were perfect. we are not taxidermied figures in a museum, eternally coiffed and preserved as we are. we are visceral beings whose hair lifts in the breeze, each day shedding and reveling in new skin.
as you know i am a porkie too.
i don't know how we fly.
we just do.
and maybe that is the miracle of it: we are unwieldy creatures with those boorish sticky quills, but when we come out of ourselves, harrumph down the runway, and take a flying leap of faith (in ourselves, in the air, in something unseen), we are the most graceful and powerful of all.
harrumph with me?
our quills can clack together as we do the porcupine gallop toward the edge.
hee hee that is funny.
hah! first laugh of the day.
i can just see it...HAH!!!!
clarify - porkie = porcupine.
NOT porkie = pig.
because oh i am so tired of being worried or even THINKING about my weight. i REFUSE to spend my youth and beauty worrying about it when i know i will look back and be able to say, "damn, what was i worried about. wish i had just enjoyed it."
so here is the old lady saying, "damn, i look good. i am going to enjoy it."
total tangent.
You are living. It has been such a pleasure to see little flickerings of your life. You have evolved so much and I feel that I could bump into you on a walk and be completely and utterly warmed in spirit.
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