want versus plenty
I have a lot on my mind of late. Joel and I are looking toward the future and trying to plan with wisdom and with soul. I keep working on scenarios, financials, and timelines that might afford us optimal happiness. It's driving me a bit crazy.
The other night, I walked to my yoga class. I left intentionally early. I stopped to smell the darkest purple lilacs, a luxury in their differentiation from my lavender-colored bush at home. I noticed the sounds of the neighborhood and stumbled upon a girl dressed in sparkly pink mary-janes, pushing a stroller and talking to her cargo playmate, a younger child also dressed up. I giggled at her nonchalance. It made me walk lighter.
I entered the glorious old building. I smelled the age in its bones. I caressed the thirsty wood on the staircase. I was dwarfed in the enormity of the windows.
I entered the glorious old building. I smelled the age in its bones. I caressed the thirsty wood on the staircase. I was dwarfed in the enormity of the windows.
I arrived to class earlier than expected. I took my deliberate time setting up the mat, blocks, blanket. I found the place I wanted to do my practice. I tried really hard to meditate on the moment. I kept getting distracted by the flashing leaves outside the window. Mission accomplished.
I kept Thomas Moore's quote in my head.
"The soul is nurtured by want as much as by plenty."
found in Care of The Soul
Chapter 9, "The Economics of Soul: Work, Money, Failure, and Creativity"
found in Care of The Soul
Chapter 9, "The Economics of Soul: Work, Money, Failure, and Creativity"
I realized how guilty I feel about how much I want from life.
Conversely, I realized how entitled I feel toward those goals.
I carried both in my paradox pouch and let myself feel the nurturing embrace of desire;
the sheer goodness of wanting.
Conversely, I realized how entitled I feel toward those goals.
I carried both in my paradox pouch and let myself feel the nurturing embrace of desire;
the sheer goodness of wanting.
6 comments:
You area profound woman : )
I am not sure if I understand..''the soul is nurtured by want as by plenty", "want" meaning 'the lack of as in poverty' or meaning 'wanting and desiring"?
guilty about wants and entitled about goals- man, you have me thinking hard here? why guilty about wanting things_ are they bad things? Are you obsessing?
I have done what you have- arrive early to yoga class and sit in the blank room- I need that because in real life noise and distraction surrounds me....I plan to find a cave one day and go hide in it.
Love post lovely lady...
I really enjoyed this post.
Also I have found some really awesome books through your blog and I am really excited to go buy and read this one :)
Also your yoga class sounds great!!
xo
MLJ- I think Moore means that it is good for us to be in want (as in, not having a lot or everything we desire) because it develops certain parts of our soul that don't get noticed when we are in a stage of plenty (abundance, enough, etc).
I think I feel guilty because so many others around me suffer so, and who am I to ask the cosmos to grant me ease and abundance? Your questioning of it made me think that perhaps I don't feel I am worth such goodneses? (And not, they aren't bad! Babies, financial freedom, internal settling, etc) I'm not sure what the answer to that is - but I think it does reveal a bit of cynicism I have about abundance and plenty. It is fleeting and not to be trusted - but desire, now I will always desire, always aspire towards bigger and better (it's innately human). But it hurts more, so I am living in the truth that the want is just as good as plenty, and also not to distrust the plenty just because it's fleeting.
On the other hand, I also feel extremely entitled. Being a woman means I deserve children; being a writer means I deserve publication...etc. These aren't true at all, but I see their existence and acknowledge their strong pull in my soul.
SUSIE.
That book completely undid my entire being - in such a positive way. It's my bible.
So beautiful--you, your descriptions and always your writing.
You've given me something to reflect upon this rainy afternoon.
xx, Cass
mme bookling- thanks for the follow-up; I don't know if I entirely agree with him because when I really want something I end up having it but random, loose, desires (you know, the careless type) just clutter and result in lack of appreciation...I think our soul develops from gratitude under all conditions, when we have and when we don't...I like that you put so much thought into this which means that you care about your inside... ; )
sorry, I did not read your lovely note to its entirety...I too feel an imbalance that there are those who are very needy and those who live in prosperity; however, guilt is a useless feeling that is not positive. I don't feel guilty because i work like the proverbial dog and am more tired than people who have nothing and I try to help in whatever way I can. I do have to keep an eye on things though- those pretty things can be tempting. You are so right that abundance is not to be trusted...I think what you and I need to practice is to enjoy in a detached and grateful way, and that is not easy.
I like that you are honest about you feeling entitled to your goals...I am now laughing a bit because that is somewhat cute. I am sure you don't really feel entitled...think about it. : )
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