repetition makes the heart grow poignant

February 23, 2009 candacemorris 4 Comments

i broke a fatal rule today.
i am trying to forgive myself.
my head cowers in shame.
my fingers tisk with censure.


it was last minute, for which i give myself immense credit.
it was even a sans makeup trip, for which i also give myself credit.
but i do not forgive myself for leaving the house without my soul (there is never an excuse for such debauchery).

this afternoon, in a panic of thinking i might not leave the house today, i spontaneously decided (inasmuch as i am capable of spontaneity; this movie-date may/may not have been on a list i wrote last night and edited again today), i took myself to see "rachel getting married" and after i stepped out of the theater, already wrapped in my own pensive, post-cinematic cloud, i was seduced by the smell of salt and rain.

so i drove to the sea.
in the drizzle of gorgeous seattle rain, accompanied only by Rachmaninoff and Lolita,
i drove to my sea.

and of course. bein sur. por supuesto....
i want my camera.

i had even mentioned going out this week on a photographic sojourn, but i should know better than to force my hand than to just let my photos happen to me (which is why i established the practice of always keeping a fully-charged camera in my satchel).

but not today.
alas.
not today.

also today, (despite the editing of aformentioned mother-load of all lists) i forgot an appointment! i suppose it's the price to pay for not sitting and staring at my calendar for hours on end, and despite pangs of irresponsiblity and disorientation from the surprise at my own forgetfulness - i guess the trade off is that i stared at the sea instead of at my calendar.

the scalded

p.s.
my cat is catching mice! for three mornings in a row, i awaken to her innocently batting around house mice in an attempt to make them play again. one on hand, i am happy that the mice is no longer in my house, but it also means there are mice in my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i suppose being a pet owner is not for the squeamish.

p.s.s.

my cat likes the water. for the last couple of nights, when i take my hot bath, she sits on the side and tries to bat the water with her paw, or at least get as close to the water as possible (including standing on my torso or exposed knee). last night, she was playing with the water so much that she made the side slippery and her backside totally fell in! she scatted to the far corners of the house and wouldn't allow me close to towel her. i assume she will be no longer involved in bathtime.