friday night at dusk

February 20, 2009 Candace Morris 4 Comments

here i am, sitting in the dusk, picking through the small dregs of the tortilla chips to dip in my hummus, occasionally turning my head to see Octavia jump up on a sleeping joel...

here i am, recovering an ailing head with water, reminiscing about the late night talks in the dark with some ladies, wondering why i cried so much, remembering why i love them, noting to drink less next time...

here i am, book open on bed ("How to Think like a Cat"), pondering the existence of a small feisty animal and how she will be in relationship with me for a long time, hoping i can read her signals, praying she will stop eating my curtains, relinquishing to an ugly scratch post...

here i am, irritated that i filled up my weekend so much, aching to spend it alone with joel, having just picked him up from the airport today, propositioning him with a night of girl movies (300 and The Notebook**), knowing how much i needed that week apart, warming to his electric touch, knowing i would die without him...

here i am, in quiet peace at dusk on a friday, amazed that a few months ago, i would be walking home in heels, exhausted from boredom, hungry for vodka and cheeseburgers, and expectant of some friday night life.

here i am.
i have begun to freefall.
i have begun to release my white-knuckled grip,
i have begun to think that...

i could get used to this.


and i'm lickin' my fingers with the goodness of it.
{WHICH MAKES ME WANT KFC FOR DINNER}

~the no-more-corporate-whore,
crm

**YOU MAY BE SURPRISED TO KNOW THAT DESPITE BEING AN ELITIST SNOB ABOUT MOST THINGS, I AM IN NO WAY AN ELITIST SNOB CONCERNING CINEMA. I USE MOVIES IN THE MOST ARISTOCRATIC SENSE: CATHARSIS. THE THEATER'S MAIN BEAUTY AND ART IS IN ITS VICARIOUS POWER TO ELLI CT A REACTION FROM OUR SUBCONSCIOUS AND PURGE US FROM THE PAIN WE KNOWINGLY/UNKNOWINGLY CARRY. GIVE ME A HALLMARK MOVIE CLASSIC, AND I'LL GIVE YOU A SATCHEL OF HEALING TEARS. FURTHERMORE, I USE MOVIES AS A MAIN IMPETUS FOR MY WRITING. WRITING SOMETHING THAT AFFECTS SOMEONE AS A MOVIE HAS JUST AFFECTED ME IS SOMETHING TO WHICH I GREATLY ASPIRE. NOTE: THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT FOR MOVIES IN CERTAIN ARTISTIC CATEGORIES, THAT I HAVE NO TASTE, EDUCATION, OR STANDARDS. SUCH FLIPPANCY IS NOT SOMETHING OF WHICH I AM CAPABLE.

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