how i survived the end of my paycheck and other such stories
Thursday, my last day as an executive assistant and office manager, was perhaps one of the worst days i have ever had in that office. i was laid off on monday, one full week before my termination date, so i had plenty of time to prepare. throughout the week, leading up to my last day, i was scared and shocked, but never once did i feel paralyzed by rejection.
until thursday.
for some reason, i was cross, sore, wounded by the preposterous notion that this office would run successfully without me. to make matters worse, i was required [last minute] to train another in several of my duties which was humiliating and frustrating...knowing they would have to be retrained anyway at a later date...why was i being subjected to this?
adding insult to injury... earlier in the week, i had crafted a 35 point list of duties that would be expected to be completed at any given time. when i first completed that list, i was so empowered, realizing all i do, how important i was. however, on thursday, i went over those duties with a few people and the overwhelmingly cavalier treatment of my work ("oh! no problem...so-and-so can do that...") injured me to the point of tears.
at several points in the day, i had to slip into a shadowed empty office and let my tears roll incautiously down my exhausted face. my mother sent a particularly touching email, detailing how she was going to (unexpectedly, to me) spoil me on my upcoming trip to Mexico. To be so important to her that day hit just the right unimportance i had felt all morning. I wept almost every time I was alone that day.
I wanted to run home and hide. Introverts despise exposure of any kind, and I especially struggle with it in relation to being new at a job or leaving a job.
But come 4pm, and the best part of my day ensued. The small office I work for (which had nothing to do with my layoff and which also will be the most inconvenienced by it) took me out for beers. They presented me with a card and bottle of Glennfiddich 12. I was touched and buzzed just enough to be able to loose my fear of exposure, and just enjoy their company. I tell you, people are never so beautiful as when you never have to see them again. :) (Nah, I really liked these guys).
Joel and I then went off to taste some port at our favorite local wine shop and enjoyed a quiet evening. Despite tears lulling me to sleep (at this point it was the fear of falling into another depression due to loss of structure/routine), I new/know that this change is good. Unfortunately, knowing something is good for you doesn't make it any easier to swallow (think bitter brussel sprouts).
Since then, I have known great affection in those who care for me. Tonight, I am especially moved by one long-lost friend from high school that i recently reconnected with. She sent me such a humbling card with not only Rilke's words (i will cling to), but hers. I am touched that something as minute as this can illicit such compassion from my dears.
until thursday.
for some reason, i was cross, sore, wounded by the preposterous notion that this office would run successfully without me. to make matters worse, i was required [last minute] to train another in several of my duties which was humiliating and frustrating...knowing they would have to be retrained anyway at a later date...why was i being subjected to this?
adding insult to injury... earlier in the week, i had crafted a 35 point list of duties that would be expected to be completed at any given time. when i first completed that list, i was so empowered, realizing all i do, how important i was. however, on thursday, i went over those duties with a few people and the overwhelmingly cavalier treatment of my work ("oh! no problem...so-and-so can do that...") injured me to the point of tears.
at several points in the day, i had to slip into a shadowed empty office and let my tears roll incautiously down my exhausted face. my mother sent a particularly touching email, detailing how she was going to (unexpectedly, to me) spoil me on my upcoming trip to Mexico. To be so important to her that day hit just the right unimportance i had felt all morning. I wept almost every time I was alone that day.
I wanted to run home and hide. Introverts despise exposure of any kind, and I especially struggle with it in relation to being new at a job or leaving a job.
But come 4pm, and the best part of my day ensued. The small office I work for (which had nothing to do with my layoff and which also will be the most inconvenienced by it) took me out for beers. They presented me with a card and bottle of Glennfiddich 12. I was touched and buzzed just enough to be able to loose my fear of exposure, and just enjoy their company. I tell you, people are never so beautiful as when you never have to see them again. :) (Nah, I really liked these guys).
Joel and I then went off to taste some port at our favorite local wine shop and enjoyed a quiet evening. Despite tears lulling me to sleep (at this point it was the fear of falling into another depression due to loss of structure/routine), I new/know that this change is good. Unfortunately, knowing something is good for you doesn't make it any easier to swallow (think bitter brussel sprouts).
Since then, I have known great affection in those who care for me. Tonight, I am especially moved by one long-lost friend from high school that i recently reconnected with. She sent me such a humbling card with not only Rilke's words (i will cling to), but hers. I am touched that something as minute as this can illicit such compassion from my dears.
So now begins the countdown.
I am off to Mexico at 4am on Monday morning, and I couldn't imagine a better Monday.
Here's to feeling that way about {monday} mornings from now on,
candace ruth
i'll see you south of the border...
p.s. joel and i rode the slut!
4 comments:
Oh Miss, it sounds as though your last day was pretty miserable - apart from the small office which took you out for drinks! At least you had those people who cared enough to present you with a card and the Glennfiddich 12.
At my last job, on my last day I walked out as if I was never there to begin with. No one said g'bye, or wished me well, or presented me with a card or anything. It was horribly sad, and made me feel like I didn't matter at all! So I understand in part where you misery comes from.
Still, I hope things get better for you, and that Mexico is rad! :)
Steve and I love you and are praying for you daily. Have a great time in Mexico! Hugs to you!
i love you mme.
and i love/hate that rilke passage - i love it because it's true, and i hate it...for the same reason. oh.
but you and i have already talked about love and hate...
I need Rilke today too - "to have patience with everything unresolved in you heart"... thank you for passing it on. I am sad hearing about your tears at work, being laid off, not being affirmed in your skills (which I know are many)... but I can only think it will all lead to something better and more satisfying.
Have an absolutely brilliant time in Mexico; one of the many places I would love to visit. I await your stories of surviving beans and tequilla when you return.
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