a change
the temperature is plummeting.
my fingers are numb.
my body bundled in three layers.
my back is screaming.
my sinuses foggy.
will i really go to bed early?
my fingers are numb.
my body bundled in three layers.
my back is screaming.
my sinuses foggy.
will i really go to bed early?
despite feeling a bit under the weather, i have had a remarkably light-hearted week. i can recall several good moods! i have been wondering why this is? what the hell is mood, i ask you? the effect our mood can have on others is daunting, don't you think?
i honestly think this week's goodness (other than my desperate pleading to ____ for some ease) can be attributed to one annoying thing.
busy-ness.
i do not like this. it seems like it should be more lofty or complicated or something, but i kid you not, with the onset of the christmas season, my "to do" lists have increased, i have projects to entertain me, parties to plan, shopping to do, numbers to crunch, houses to decorate...it seems never ending. and i couldn't be happier!!! usually this time of year, i am a nervous wreck and this is the first year i have welcomed said yule-tide stress. unfortunately, i really think it's because i am bored.
if all of this existential journey has been due to boredom, i am going to barf.
how
u
n
i
n
t
e
r
e
s
t
i
n
g.
if i were to go back to a challenging career, would i seriously be more content with life? something about staying busy as a means of happiness does not sit well in my spiritual psyche. i should (the fucking bane of my existence) be able to go through an idle season of respite without falling into the darkest of internal shadows. perhaps i should, but at this stage, i simply cannot.
and i return to the mantra of my year.
must be kind to self.
i will see this as fluid, not judge myself too much for being addicted to busy-ness, and enjoy the work of this advent season.
without work, we cannot rest.
oh for a life's work...
i honestly think this week's goodness (other than my desperate pleading to ____ for some ease) can be attributed to one annoying thing.
busy-ness.
i do not like this. it seems like it should be more lofty or complicated or something, but i kid you not, with the onset of the christmas season, my "to do" lists have increased, i have projects to entertain me, parties to plan, shopping to do, numbers to crunch, houses to decorate...it seems never ending. and i couldn't be happier!!! usually this time of year, i am a nervous wreck and this is the first year i have welcomed said yule-tide stress. unfortunately, i really think it's because i am bored.
if all of this existential journey has been due to boredom, i am going to barf.
how
u
n
i
n
t
e
r
e
s
t
i
n
g.
if i were to go back to a challenging career, would i seriously be more content with life? something about staying busy as a means of happiness does not sit well in my spiritual psyche. i should (the fucking bane of my existence) be able to go through an idle season of respite without falling into the darkest of internal shadows. perhaps i should, but at this stage, i simply cannot.
and i return to the mantra of my year.
must be kind to self.
i will see this as fluid, not judge myself too much for being addicted to busy-ness, and enjoy the work of this advent season.
without work, we cannot rest.
oh for a life's work...
~ pensively,
crm
5 comments:
O Candi. You are so adorable... I cannot think of a better accoutrement to my life than just being around around you.
boring. uninteresting. you could do with a few normalizing adjectives, for in what world would these terms ever encapsulate you?
the adorable, indeed joel, aspect of this entry is that your writing is so intriguing, your process so inspiring, your openness and self-assessment so flirty and jubilant, that any chance of the author carrying a label that reads uninteresting is preposterous.
instead of adding to the melee more of my own stuff, i'm going to echo i.mara. to me you are fascinating in so many ways, and more all the time. i mean it.
I feel you.
C.R.
An outpouring of self is so common with YOU that it's really not common in the least. I cherish every reality you write about. It's one of the reasons I love you most for.
Thou needest perhaps one more layer and a blazing hearth to battle those plummeting temperatures. That, or your catholicbeer beneath a down comforter.
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