a change

December 11, 2008 Candace Morris 5 Comments

the temperature is plummeting.
my fingers are numb.
my body bundled in three layers.

my back is screaming.
my sinuses foggy.
will i really go to bed early?

despite feeling a bit under the weather, i have had a remarkably light-hearted week. i can recall several good moods! i have been wondering why this is? what the hell is mood, i ask you? the effect our mood can have on others is daunting, don't you think?

i honestly think this week's goodness (other than my desperate pleading to ____ for some ease) can be attributed to one annoying thing.

busy-ness.

i do not like this. it seems like it should be more lofty or complicated or something, but i kid you not, with the onset of the christmas season, my "to do" lists have increased, i have projects to entertain me, parties to plan, shopping to do, numbers to crunch, houses to decorate...it seems never ending. and i couldn't be happier!!! usually this time of year, i am a nervous wreck and this is the first year i have welcomed said yule-tide stress. unfortunately, i really think it's because i am bored.

if all of this existential journey has been due to boredom, i am going to barf.
how
u
n
i
n
t
e
r
e
s
t
i
n
g.

if i were to go back to a challenging career, would i seriously be more content with life? something about staying busy as a means of happiness does not sit well in my spiritual psyche. i should (the fucking bane of my existence) be able to go through an idle season of respite without falling into the darkest of internal shadows. perhaps i should, but at this stage, i simply cannot.

and i return to the mantra of my year.

must be kind to self.

i will see this as fluid, not judge myself too much for being addicted to busy-ness, and enjoy the work of this advent season.

without work, we cannot rest.
oh for a life's work...

~ pensively,
crm

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