musings of an alchoholic

August 02, 2008 Candace Morris 6 Comments

the beginning of friday night
the ending of friday night



i am feeling rather pitiful, this post midnight hour.

i am realizing of late that i think i drink too often. i want to try a week without. this week, the total count from monday night:
11 cocktails.

the problem with drinking = talking.

i talk way too much when i drink and then i ride all the way home and think, "oh dear god, i wish i hadn't said that." i cringe inside when the alcohol gives my hyper-critical internal voice the wings to let loose and fly around those i love.

what embarrassment is mine.

it also makes me feel sorry for myself.
why can't i make lovely things?
why can't i be someone else?
why. why. why am i entirely directionless and lost?

it's the most bewitching hour, and i think i will instead
s
l
ee
p.

~crm

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