"i wish i was the moon tonight"
we really did have the most refreshing vacation with my bff, jackie - and this evening after returning has been very nesting and homey.
joelio and i are just a couple of happy foxes - burrowing into our foxhole tonight.
i make greek salads, he hangs jeremy's painting (finally - and our living room feels amazing), listens to Joe Pernice, and now I sit looking at him through happy, well-rested eyes thinking that my life is magical.
and this is why vacations are so necessary...we do love the people and places we visit, but nothing feels, tastes, or sleeps like home. i love how vacation makes you remember how content you are...
i have had some thoughts of late...and it was reiterated by Neko Case as she sang to me while I walked home from the grocery store.. "god blessed me, i'm a free man with no place free to go." and isn't this the truth about american privilege? we do not have to worry for our survival, water source, or food - but are instead cursed with the blessing of metaphysical thought. if only i could be content with the life i have been given instead of striving for the eternal what-if's surrounding my life. freedom can be such a curse, an illusion - and i feel anything but free most of the time.
i think we were created to want more - and i believe i live out my purpose in this, but sometimes i am weighted so heavily by the possibility and the privilege of the "anything is possible" american dream, truly believing that if i only read more, learn more, listen more, love more - then i can be deeply fulfilled.
but what if perhaps my deep fulfillment comes in the acceptance of myself outside of what i must do with my life and instead learn to sigh with breathy contentment at the magic that is candace - her loves, her losses, her now.
well, flitter flits, off i go to enjoy a slumber in my newly cleanest of sheets (how i love clean sheets) - but not before i scribble some words and enjoy the smell of a dear bookling.
writing cleanses this soul - and for the first time in months by golly,
i feel refreshed.
i feel refreshed.
|Going back to Cali - Aug 08|