weekEND

May 30, 2008 candacemorris 3 Comments

I am rather anticipatory of this break from work over the next three nights and two day (aka: weekend).

For the following reasons:

Tonight is Candace’s deposit of alone time for the weekend because Joelio is out of town for the night. So I am thinking of all the million ways I could spend it, and there just isn’t enough time. Here are my plans perhaps:

  1. Chiropractor
  2. Drop off dress for dry cleaning (for wedding next weekend)
  3. Home to change and then jump in car, go to Greenlake and run/walk the 3 mile trail (must charge ipod)
  4. Pho for dinner (take back to house)
  5. Eat on porch and sip some sunset
  6. Laze back into apartment, and NEST:
    ~Dishes
    ~Vacuum
    ~Put away trinkets (All these chores )will be fun because Madonna (circa 1985-1998) will be pounding in the house and I will be jumping around like an 80’s crazed maniac (ever seen the movie with Sarah Jessica Parker called “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?”) This, of course, depends on how much I actually ran around said trail.

    ~Balance checkbook
    ~Peruse the internet for god knows what
    ~Make menu and shopping list for Ladies Night #2 (Sex in the City, here we come!)
  7. Perhaps watch one of the 10 movies I need to watch in order to return to library and not get fines!

Saturday will be another morning of alone-loveliness – and I will leisurely sip some coffee, walk to whole foods (this will be a feat, and I sincerely doubt I will do it – it’s ALL uphill on the way back – and torturous).


Saturday afternoon will be the debut of my Salad Nicoise to my ladies, a delightfully chic new (vintage) dress, the fabulous movie salaciousness of SITC, and then back to my place for sweets, drinks, and laughter.

Sunday will be a trip to the farmer’s market in am (for fresh flowers and other goodies), a meeting for Julie’s wedding, and an IKEA trip for my living room lamps, two sets of track lighting, and pricing for other things.

Also, did I mention that I get off early on Fridays b/w Memorial Day and Labor Day – so we close at 3pm. This exults me greatly and ALMOST makes me forget that this is the first day in 10 w/o coffee.

So this blog was soo about my weekend lists. Deal with it.

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goodbye may day

May 28, 2008 candacemorris 3 Comments

dear may,
though you have brought in your wake not much more than grimaces, emptiness, reminders of freakishness, isolation, and self-doubt - i still love you.

Because in the darkness of the melancholy month of may, i did find booklings, myself, and the respect for some beautiful women (not to mention a gorgeous new apartment and some not terribly annoying neighbors :) , new friends in arizona, a sassy new haircut, a gorgeous new painting gracing my walls...so, maybe it wasn't soooo bad...BUT)

i can't say i am sad to see you go.

because my dear may, i am on the upswing...and june is the happy escort of my newly restored, (but just recently found) old friend, joy. June, meet joy. I think you will get along just smashingly.

so let's talk, june. these are my (s)expectations: (that makes no sense, but i just love that word)
lightheartedness
solitude in my social bank
giddy giggles over little trinkets
new jewelery
frivolity
and finally,
c.e.l.e.b.r.a.t.i.o.n.
(which must include some rosé, a tight dress, and heavy doses of madonna on the dance floor)

may, you have had your due purpose and i will cherish you, but thank god i feel BEETTTTEEERRR.

sorry you had to witness that.

but, there's
always
next
year.

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in the everquest.

May 27, 2008 candacemorris 5 Comments


still searching for a bag...

does this count as too big still? i think i am more enamoured by her boots.
















and this one is way too small.
















i think i have size-issues, hah!

mmm, the smell of garlic is teasing me. joel is making me dinner as i sit and waste time with my best friend the internet.

more bags? let's peruse.
gorgeous color combo and material, but not feeling the shape.












this is so the one, but i think joelio would still be upset at it's size AND it's a cool $400. could i sell an ovary?














ding. dinner bell...

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newlings.

May 26, 2008 candacemorris 4 Comments

the last couple of days have brought some firsts to my life. may i tickle your ear with this?

  1. fashion photographer/makeup artist/hair dresser (can you help me by voting on the best one to enter into a fashion photo shoot online?) leave a comment, or leave the number you like best.
    JMG Photo Shoot 05.23.08

  2. learning to juggle
  3. playing bomber man - an old arcade game.
  4. sitting in park with a laptop because we have a park 5 steps from my door way and our wireless signal reaches
  5. contemplating reading the harry potter series. (a book store owner must, mustn't she?)

on a side note. i am feeling better. thanks jackie. thanks solitude. thanks internet. thanks wine.

oh, and thank god. yes.

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me. today.

May 26, 2008 candacemorris 0 Comments

i feel not sad - not happy.

but just teetering on empty...


(let's hope today's deposit of solitude derails the creeping anxiety)






lots to update you on, my pets. will do soon, quite soon.

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idea- LINGS?

May 23, 2008 candacemorris 3 Comments

so, one of the frazillion things bouncing around my mind this week is the idea of a creative space. in my thought-flood last night, i even entertained the idea of renting out a studio for my writing, watercoloring, dreaming, etc. i realize this is an immense expense, but how very amazingly cool woould that be?
and then, wouldn't you know it - sfgirl does a post on creative artisitic spaces. commence drooling here.

in other happs, joel and i have re-established our date nights. last night was our third, and we revisited the Thomas Street Bistro. It is just terribly close and very quiet. He had a crazy day at work, and I am having a crazy life with my bubbly brain and introverted freakishness, so b/w the two of us, we had a lively conversation. This lively conversation continued on our way to the library to pick up some movies - only it turned into a lively argument. I still have no idea how we actually arrived at the library...as words and frustrations buzzed between us like bullets.

somehow we eneded up at the front of the library - and a few minutes later were walking with our arms around each other's waists, laughing at ourselves. knowing that in five minutes, BOTH of us would apologize for what the other was accusing us of - but unable to in the moment because of the accusation.

this is something i am thankful for in my marriage. joel and i have an uncanny ability to bounce back from even the nastiest of situations...and i think because we insisit on clear and honest communication - and that can get so messy sometimes. but i never have to guess with him. and GOD KNOWS, he never has to guess with me. we are working on candace being a little more polite and joel being a little more honest. both come out in rather ugly ways...and thank god we can laugh about it, right?

i love that i have a lifetime (lord willing) relationship with this man...it's bliss and pain and the ultimate human experience, but i especially love it whe he says to me over dinner. "you are the most fascinating person i know."
right back atcha, jhm.

also, i am visually stimulated this morning, and full to the brim of sugar (someone brought dougnuts to work!) and coffeee, so i feel a zillion miles a minute.

see my visual stimulation here: click on all for links to original posting.













my lil sis and her fiancee. click on pic for link to more.















etsy


















etsy























barstools for home!


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my favorite redhead

May 22, 2008 candacemorris 2 Comments

things are progressing, my dears.
see new blog for booklings: http://thebooklings.blogspot.com/
I am proud of the work I have done so far.


but this blog is not for that - I have decided to keep them separate.

i wanted to tell you today about my favorite redhead. i moved out of her neighborhood and she quit her soulless job downtown (where i also work), and we have managed to loose each other. it's rather disorienting, and the loss has contributed greatly to this melancholy month of may. i didn't realize how much until i was speaking to my councilor about it and couldn't manage the ball of emotion in the back of my throat.

this little girl is scared of loosing her friend.

so we went to dinner last night, me and my favorite redhead. again, despite my best efforts to stay composed, i was unable to keep the emotion at bay. and let's face it, repression is highly overrated.

turns out, indian food and tears pair well.

people need to communicate painstakingly clearly to those they love. people cannot meet you where you are and love you unless they KNOW you.

so i told her. she is my cornerstone. as you may have guessed, she received it well. and thank god, because this month has been horrific for her as well.

i was trying to write a poem to describe this lovely woman. instead, i will let one of her favorite poets speak the language we know only in our stomachs.

for jmg:
"[her] hair is bold like the chestnut burr; and [her]eyes, like the sherry in the glass that the guest leaves." ~Emily Dickenson (emphasis mine)

your determination to face the disintegration of your soul has surprised, motivated, inspired, and loved me...as only you can. i close my eyes, see your ivory, motherly shoulder - bespotted with your maze of freckles, eternally wrapped in green and your eyes always abrim with someone else's suffering.

in this quest to find your soul, you've managed to find mine. again.

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mellifluousness

May 21, 2008 candacemorris 3 Comments

a new wordling (at least to me) to percolate your neurotransmitters.

i randomly found this girl's blog on etsy - but i just love the word she used.

mellifluousness :
1. sweetly or smoothly flowing; sweet-sounding: a mellifluous voice; mellifluous tones.
2. flowing with honey; sweetened with or as if with honey.

oh, and also - this really struck me this afternoon, especially as i seek to find my life work.

This is an exerpt from Thomas Moore's new book, A Life at Work and can be found on his discussion blog, Barque:

"Depth of character comes from admitting to yourself your complexity. If you are ambitious in your field of work, you can acknowledge this quality to yourself and those close to you. Shallowness can taint people’s lives when they try to create a persona that hides their intentions and emotions. There is always a shadow side to work -- money, sexuality, insensitivity, a need to dominate. When a person acknowledges these qualities, they are less destructive than if they are hidden, and they darken and deepen the face we show the world.A deeper perspective on life may also come from appreciating the mysteries that surround you. Love, anger, competition, greed - these are emotions that come and go in all of us to some degree, and they are mysterious." (bold emphasis mine)

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you know it. you owe it to yourself.

May 21, 2008 candacemorris 3 Comments

i am in a quandary today.



and thanks to and idea by both umber and plume (see comments after yesterday's entry), i am feeling the damned hope creeping back in, slowing refilling the trenches dug by yesterday's battle wounds. (and let's be honest. part of my ultimate fear was that i lost the hope forever - that these last two years of health were a fabricated season).



actually, yesterday was so curious for me. i was just really thick in the marshy darks of deep, man-eating doubt - thicker than it's been in quite some time and in it's wake managed to produce ever-familiar anxiety and suffocation. sometimes i wish someone would punch me in the face so that i would finally stop beating myself down emotionally. you know, something physical to focus my pain on, rather than constantly being (as matthew arnold put it), "swept up with confused alarms of struggle and fight." honestly, who is the enemy is this self-contained scenario anyway? this is what frustrates me so much...

but back to yesterday. every time i post something about my internal frustrations, i get some sort of overwhelming validation that this is what i am supposed to be doing. the first time, it was a dear friend's tears. yesterday, it came in the form of an amazing email from andrew. this man should be the one blogging, because his words hang on the gargoyle-statues guarding my soul.
"i miss the conversations that would lay it all bare, and the simple time with friends that wasn't necessarily limited by clocks or consciousness."
his letter of ultimate validation freed some tangley weeds that were bloody-ing up my ankles.


i guess i am just constantly reminded that i have to write - and that writing is cleansing for the community.

but i am still in a quandary.

you see, i was talking with tice and niki last week and we were imagining that this generation is really a new movement - but a movement without a name. we have art and beauty and freedom and a message - but no real option to sell all our possessions and just do it. i envisioned with them a monthly art show where tice could play, everyone's art could be displayed, i could write, jessica and jason could promote, etc. so this monthly idea is bouncing off the pinball boards of my creativity.

and then with the idea of this bookstore bar, etc. perhaps i can have a bookstore that can be my business already - but then can patronize the monthly art shows. how does one start a business? any advice? i don't know if you know this, but i would be really good owning my own business.
and this bookstore would have the famous book/cocktail pairings on the menu (east of eden and a pale ale, macbeth and deepest red bordeaux one can find, the great gatsby and mint julips, etc...), as well as a bakery with pink boxes, art studio, music venue, (do i have to add coffeee???, i am so tired of coffee bookstores), etc. but overwhelming the walls would be all of my delicious booklings.

well, not mine. don't even THINK you are going to get your greedy hands on my collection.

anyway, the idea of this makes me ache so badly...wishing, longing, dreaming. but it's enough to refuel my heart and keep the doubt at bay. and i have many of you to thank for this. because even if it's only ever a dream. a dream can sustain.

but back to my quandry.


i am soooo curious how people make money off blogging. for instance, this woman gets paid bucko bucks (she supports her entire family and was on good morning america for the "mommy blogging" craze with this blog!), to write about anything. today's oh so enriching installment was about dog shit. i mean it. can i get paid to write about dog shit? cuz i can.

i am not discrediting her blog at all, in fact, two days ago, she posted about a recent miscarriage, and it was soo amazingly heart warming and honest, but i am telling you...even just this doggie doo post got over 500 comments. 500!!!!
so this is my quandary. how does this happen? i want to sit with this woman and pick her blonde brain - "dear mommy bloger/doggie doo expert, how do you get money from a 686-word post?" cuz sign me up.
the end.
(i feel sad that the blogging is over. just so you know, i could write all day)
(probably because it's free coffee wednesday)

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election time

May 20, 2008 candacemorris 5 Comments

not to be a negative nancy, but today and the last month has reminded me why i chose to live 28 years in cynicism.

because in the last two years, with getting all healthy and shit, i have found some child-like hope.

but hoping hurts. it hurts real bad. (or really badly if you care)

so you tell me what the freaking heck i should do with my life. the following represents a list of passions and interests - in no particular order of importance - that could save my soul from this 8-5 death:

  1. hair dresser
  2. writer/editor
  3. therapist - study of psychology (already tried this - denied)
  4. literature - teaching (already tried this - denied)
  5. bookstore owner
  6. mother
  7. photography
  8. makeup artist
  9. web design
  10. travel (anything where i get paid to travel and coordinate travel)
  11. dancer
  12. art studio owner/supporter/collaborator
  13. fashion designer

perhaps if you choose for me, i won't feel so gnawed through and through by doubt.

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protecting time

May 20, 2008 candacemorris 4 Comments

joel and i have been horribly remiss at getting enough down time, and i think it's because we are just so excited to have a new life as given us by our new neighborhood! but that adrenaline is rapidly wearing out...

you see, joel and i had an overly-busy weekend - full of really fun things, but just too much for one weekend. (see blog below). this wouldn't normally be a problem, IF i had enough "alone" time reserves to make it okay. but i haven't...not by a long shot. i feel badly for my friends who seem to thrive on being together - where i only thrive being together IF i have been alone equal amounts of time.

i keep thinking i am stronger than i am. but my strength comes only from recharging - and i must do this more often. the sad part is that i often don't know this until it's too late.

all of this to say, joel and i had an amazing night last night.

we determined that it would be an "only us" night, and wouldn't you know it - five people called/texted to hang out. it was sad because every single person who did call/text was someone with whom i would have loved to be with, had things to tell, feel rejuvenated by... but man, i am just so
e
x
h
a
u
s
t
e
d.

so i walked to the chiropractor and to rite aid while joel stayed home and made me dinner. when i got back, i suggested we should eat on our rooftop deck, which we did! we walked up there with our steaming hot (farmer's market bought) gnocchi and delicious (farmer's market bought) swiss chard, and sat outside while seattle sprinkled on us. this was delightful to both of our souls.

we then took a load of goods to the goodwill and decided to explore the neighborhood more in our car, and ended up at Volunteer Park. Oh gosh, this park. It felt so magical, and since I was in the flats I bought in Paris, and the garden I was in reminded me of the gardens just outside the Louvre, I had a very Parisian bit of deja vu. The gardens were scarcely populated and incredibly fragrant, and we stumbled upon this huge brick water tower - and took all 105 steps to the top (after some convincing by joel, of course). i felt so naked w/o a camera, but at the same time, it was really really good for me to not have one.

(i will of course be going back with both cameras).

we then came home, had ice cream and watched Into the Wild.

AND we actually got to go to bed together. Joel has to get up so early and I am such a night owl that we rarely fall asleep at the same time. Last night ended up just perfectly with us giggling ourselves to sleep - happy in our protected time. it was validating to hear from my soon-to-be-married little sister that she was glad to see us protecting our time. we did this a lot when we were first married, but have just been juggling a lot more lately.

saying yes always means saying no to something else. i am glad that joel is my yes. always.

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a weekend in pictures

May 19, 2008 candacemorris 3 Comments

...a work party with friends...

see entire work party album here:


GregoryWorkParty

seattle storm opening game with
my good friend jolee



the ballard farmer's market on sunday



see entire farmer's market album:

Farmers Market

we took joel's mom and dad on our 2nd annual mday/fday picnic


see entire album here

Mday.Fday Picnic

and that doesn't even include the spontaneous party that happened friday night.

candace may or may not have had way too much to drink that night.

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una suprisa - revealed

May 17, 2008 candacemorris 5 Comments








it's suppposed to be platinum blonde too, but i guess i have to wait for my natural hair color to grow out. gross. so in July, just before my 30th, i will be the blonde bell again.

can i pull off bombshell?

i am beginning to think: hell yes. it's time i stopped taking myself so seriously anyway.


so here she is.

the child is out of the bag.

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una suprisa

May 16, 2008 candacemorris 1 Comments

i have never been able to keep a secret.

as a child, my parents decided that because i was willing - i would wrap everyone's christmas presents. i therefore knew what my brother and sisters were all getting every year.

i didn't realize how UN-MAGICAL this was

until one
f
a
t
eful year.


my sister teresa had a bday and i think she wrenched every single one of her presents out of my gift-wrapped hands (included in the list o'presents was the infamous pair of LA Gear that i am pretty sure she gave me and she's pretty sure i stole). but i digress.


that entire birthday was a drag for both her and me.


so when i get presents for people - golly, kids... it's a discipline to keep it inside.

(unless you have a bosom friend who sneaks (aka - accidentally pretends to find while accidentally showing her other friend my profile) her gifts from my feedback on etsy - why do they have to show pictures there?!)


but alas, i didn't buy anything or wrap anything from someone else for you.
this secret of mine? it's a present entirely for me. para mí. pour moi.


but just to tantalize you - it will include before/after pictures.
(nope. guessed wrong. not a boob job. i had to write this because i am very juvenile)


In FACT. just because you are behaving so nicely today, i will include the before picture.
(which, by the way, the taking of made me entirely miss the autobus this morning. i had to (gasp) WALK to work for the first time since i moved and was still 5min late. good thing jesus had shined his eyes upon seattle today with the freaking 84degree weather. seattleites are going to come apart at the seams. i really mean it. some of the freakiest outfits and strangest behavior happens on the first days of summery seattle).

(it's 7:37 and I have to leave at 7:40. in this shot, i am sans shoes, earrings, wedding ring, socks, breakfast, lunch, cellphone, and hair being done - it got curled. i think i ran out the door at 7:47. i still look pretty calm, eh?)

so, catch the after pictures tonight at 11pm!

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magical tragical self-ery

May 15, 2008 candacemorris 5 Comments



I have recently been moaning about the loss of reading time once graciously given me by the commute to and from work.

(truth: I used to read for 15 min before the lull of the bus put me to sleep anyway – so actually I spent about 45 min a day sleeping in public).

But still.

This reading time is now spent getting up later in the morning and returning earlier in the evenings, so it hasn’t been a huge complaint, but as my life seems to demand more and more analysis of my vocational conundrum (wtf am I doing with my life?!!), I ache and long to be lost in someone else’s words: their story, their love interest, their family, their outfits, their melancholy– even if just to feel connected again.

You see, I feel entirely isolated.

Or perhaps trapped is a better word.

I know there is something out there for me – it presses on me and I am ever closer to it, but I cannot move into that realization just yet. It is not time. I am in the dream stage still – and my dear, imagination and I have never been comrades.
I tried her as a playmate a little while back, but she will have none of it. So I keep tiptoeing around her screen door, my hair stringy-wet with summer sprinklers, my lip stained with purple soda, my skin dewy with hope.

Sometimes she speaks through the screen door…lazily sighing of things we could do.
Jumproap? Hopscotch? Lemonade stand?

But alas, off I go to collect our roller-skates – full of her whispery inspiration, afraid to embrace the relief of boredom – and I come back, and she’s gone.

I can hear the TV through her screen door, her mother shuffling in the kitchen, but I am on the outside.

So I was right in that word choice, I guess.
Isolated. Left.

my kitty cats, independence is a bitch.

matthew arnold and i, on the other hand, are dear old cronies. Despite not having time to read (aka I don’t feel like any corner of my new place is screaming as a reading spot – and this must needs be fixed, dove – it’s imperative), I realized that a 10 minute bus ride is the perfect amount of time for a POEM!!!

You see, my new cyber crush (I love this girl!) has got me thinking about poetry again. She is a gifted poet, and because my writing style is more prose – I forget how much I love the lyricism of poetry..that is, until plume reminded me. she seems to be reminding me of a lot lately.

poetry. It can capture and preserve me all at the same time.

So I felt found again today…thank you Matthew Arnold.




Self-Dependence

Weary of myself, and sick of asking
What I am, and what I ought to be,
At this vessel’s prow I stand, which bears me
Forwards, forwards, o’er the starlit sea.

And a look of passionate desire
O’er the sea and to the stars I send:
“Ye who from my childhood up have calm’d me,
Calm me, ah, compose me to the end!

“Ah, once more,” I cried, “ye stars, ye waters,
On my heart your mighty charm renew;
Still, still let me, as I gaze upon you,
Feel my soul becoming vast like you!”

From the intense, clear, star-sown vault of heaven,
Over the lit sea’s unquiet way,
In the rustling night-air came the answer:
“Wouldst though be as these are? Live as they.

“Unaffrighted by the silence round them,
Undistracted by the sights they see,
These demand not that the things without them
Yield them love, amusement, sympathy.

“And with joy the stars perform their shining,
And the sea its long moon-silver’d roll;
For self-poised they live, nor pine with noting
All the fever of some differing soul.

“Bounded by themselves and unregardful
In what state God’s other works may be,
In their own tasks all their powers pouring,
These attain the mighty life you see.”

O air-born voice! long since, severely clear,
A cry like thine in mine own heart I hear:
“Resolve to be thyself; and know that he,
Who finds himself, loses his misery!”


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for her

May 13, 2008 candacemorris 4 Comments

in an effort to reacquaint myself with me today (i've been so busy, dear hearts), i irresponsibly ditched my job today (i am SOO out of PTO), and took a day just to be.

that day turned into errands, but dears - the errands were just what this gal needed. i sold off some old booklings - and discovered two new ones for my family.

you know, the internet made me forget that i don't actually own any Matthew Arnold. Matthew Arnold, the Victorian poet, wrote one of the poems that was read aloud at my wedding, but i didn't realize that i didn't own the book (gasp) until i came across it at the store. if i need to read the buried life i usually just look it up online. (if you take time to read it, please especially note lines 12-29..which were the lines read aloud at my nuptials). .


i am proud to say that i have corrected this grievous error



after i did that, i had to run to our old place for some things, and i realized how ugly it was. :) don't get me wrong, i knew it then, but it was my home - and i made it just that. now that i have moved on and grieved appropriately, i feel so enchanted with my lovely new home. see below for the before/after affect.

(old place)

(new place)
pretty amazing transformation, eh? just call me Houdini.


(me in front of new place- in the park across the street)



I also checked out my local branch of the public library. I am a very avid user of the Seattle public library system - it's my own personal netflix. I walked to the Capitol Hill branch today, and boy was I pleasantly surprised by the beauty of the building. Damn, Seattle...you just keep taking the breath out of me.


i have some poems inkling around my brain...thanks to the creative energy felt at tice and niki's. i leave there feeling like the next generation of creative collaborators. i ask you - are my dreams possible?

whether or not you discover me; whether or not you pay me...i will write. it is not my choice. it is my destiny.



also, i leave you with this thought.
(bff. you move my aches to joy)

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late night picture fix

May 12, 2008 candacemorris 2 Comments

i have had a DEELLIGHTful bit of pictures sent my way this very eve. there is very little in life that gives me immediate soul pleasure like photos of my beloveds. here you are, dears...in all your soulful glory.
(my surrogate brother cousin roomate - through the lens of his beloved and talented wife, Erin)


joel and i at tango tapas, where we took mom in law for her belated bday.


the parents i adore. the dessert isn't too bad either!!! good loooooord.


my nephew, gavin. my best friend jackie's kids. they move my soul.


his sister, mekenzie. oh man...this precious being has the childhood i was supposed to. i see her and i am me again.


these pictures are delighting my midnight soul.

off for some shut eye.

smooch.

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monday morning pokeys

May 12, 2008 candacemorris 1 Comments

you didn't hear it from me first. i stole it from the alaska air lady on the phone. i was changing a reservation for my boss, and she explained that the computer was slow, that it had the "monday morning pokeys." i loved the aptness of the phrase so much that i am stealing it now.


and isn't it the truth? i think my work day would be so much better if i could do a 10am-3pm day and poke around in the morning.
(let's just pretend for a minute that i would actually get out of bed earlier than like 30 min before i had to leave.)



In this imaginary world, i would make my bed leisurely, inspire myself with my daily blog fix, enrich my eyes on etsy, take plenty of time to ponder my outfit, read a chapter in Augustine's confessions while gazing out my sunny window, sip some jasmine tea, make some poached eggs and orange juice, take a long shower, listen to NPR, lovingly put myself together for the day, and then leisurely walk to work.

you realize that in reality, it's probably about 2pm before i would get any of this done. but hey, it's imaginary!

i just love to poke, poke, poke.

people need to poke more.

outside of this poking, my head is a-brimming with lists galore. last night, while relaxing in bath (honey, this is where my most amazing thoughtlings occur), I realized that I needed to start a list of ways to spoil myself. i did this list this morning, and i am quite happy with it. i then prioritized this list by most wanted/necessary (i have included the expensive hairspray and mascara i like on this list), and am now able to clear the flow of ideas in my mind due to this cleansing list. oh listlings!!!! i just adore you so.

another listing happening is my apartment projects. i have to prioritize them, and this is the hardest part for me. candace is a very impatient bird, my friends...so there isn't a lot of waiting that wants to naturally occur. but alas, each item requires green monies, so i am forced to wait. and the waiting is goodness for my souling.


i am annoying myself with the -ings. you?

in tragic news...in the porting of a leftover salad, i managed to spill caesar dressing on the inside of my decidedly hugeific purse. i will now be on the bus and vampires and ghouls alike will be repelled from my garlicky essence. i guess i really DO have to get a new purse now...oh darns.

happy pokeys, my invaluable loves.

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music makes everything better

May 11, 2008 candacemorris 4 Comments

for this melancholy month of may, i choose goldfrapp's new album, "seventh tree." especially today - especially just for this lyric:

"she's like a little bird
she flies from tree to tree
to see what she can see
she's far away from me"

i needed an escape. i took a green drive. it rained. it cried. everything was wrong. allison goldfrapp'ed me into her bosom and made it better.

i am a little bird. i am far away from me.

now, it's later. i am sitting in one of my favorite spots in all of eternity - my in-law's. (strange? you have to meet them to understand). The boys are playing some Tri-Ominos, I sit and gaze at this dreamy new cookbook my lovely devon gave me as a housewarming present...mmmmm, the food of france. the book could never be as lovely as my devon, but it's a damn fine present. what should i cook, my pets? how about some cauliflower soup? crepes suzette? maybe a light salade nicoise?


friends, it's hard to keep writing when what's inside feels unacceptable or unbeneficial to share. i want to do it anyway, because i really need it. so i guess... sorry, my loves, but this is for me. this one i am saving for my achy soul today. how i long for the release of soul that comes from the sweet sound of pressy keys and the scribble of pen to parchment.

for some of the first times in my life...i know it. i know anger.

it
feels
cleansing.

i guess
f
i
r
e
does
that
to
you.


some weekend highlights to share:
  • thomas street bistro. yes, it's on my street. joel and i are 2 for 2 on hoorah restaurants within walking distance of our abode. a shift in some really upsetting friday energy came in the form of a random $400 bonus that joel came home with....with accolades from his job. he then treated me to a meal out (a rather scary portion of income goes to our dining experiences, she confesses sheepishly). we lazed over a 3 hr meal, four courses, a bottle of wine, and fabulously cute frenchman telling us cute stories about his provencial town. we then meanderd round about ways to our house, stopping at an ivy-COVERED brick building that joel was very tempted to ascend. once we got home, we enjoyed a rousing game of boogle, and despite your guesses that i would win (due to my superb wordsmithery), we were tied.

  • my baby sister-in-law, julie had her bridal shower. as with most women in relationships where they are loved, she continues to grow ever lovleier and more whole.
  • an amazing saturday night meal with jason and devon. joel was very on his game and his cooking skills wowed us all. it felt so right to host our first dinner in the new place, and joel and i keep saying how much we love our home. we then took a midnight walk, the four of us, through our urban jungle and explored some gardens, mansions, and hanging ives and arbols. i found a tree that even now, one day later, is calling me...it muse that it will be my summer haven, my solstice where painting, reading, cloud watching, and grape eating will commence.
maybe you come out and play with me?


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we would die without it

May 08, 2008 candacemorris 2 Comments

in a really round about way - thanks melissa! - i found this amazing paragraph on a blog.

"We don’t write because we’re the best at it. We don’t write because there’s anything new to say that the world hasn’t already heard. Writers, like all artists, indulge in their craft because without it they would wither away into tiny dust clusters. We write because despite all our jadedness and cynicism, we somehow still believe in God and love and beauty and that there really is a reason to be alive and to be alive full-force. We write to write and we write to be read because we hope that maybe the answer to whatever is wrong will be found in the process of talking about it. We use words to say “I’m happy”, “I’m sad”, “I’m in love”, “I’m scared.” And we keep piling up all these words to say those same few human phrases over and over again till one day we get it just right."


My soul learches for you to know, lovelies - that I MUST write. There is no other option for my life.

Thank you for helping me realize this.

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find me astray

May 08, 2008 candacemorris 7 Comments


I love finding lost things.

Many of you know I moved almost two weeks ago. After about 2 nights of sleeping at my new place, my neighbor and lovely friend Kelly brought over her issue of domino magazine.

Granted, she introduced me to this magazine, but what gives her the right to have hers before mine comes? I mean, I have been a loyal subscriber for over T.H.R.R.R.E.E.E.E whole months now, why should I have to wait while she oogles the lovelies? She even brought it over to show me the new inspiration for my kitchen. i know! such audacity.

I started to think about the injustice of my poor little lost domino…mental check list.


Had I forwarded my mail exactly on time? check.
Had I logged onto the magazine website and changed my address? check.
Had I checked both the old mailbox and the new mailbox? check.

check, check, and double freaking CHECK. dangs it to all.....

But to no avail. domino was A.W.A.L, finito, poof, missing, extinct.

In other words:
L
O
S
T

I do not recover well from loosing things. i was prepared to go buy a replacement yesterday...but wouldn't you know, and thank the jesus, I found her crammed into my new 1920s* mail box!


Oh the delight!

The sheer euphoric stupendousness!!! She was wrapped in plastic and protected. Not lost, not AWAL, not missing, not finito. not astray.

In other words:
F
O
U
N
D
!!!!!!!!!

Oh what pleasure is mine, sweet little domino. Did I rip her open and allow her beauty to breath life into my idea-sapped brain? Stay stay, impatience. I am the most patient person ever...so,
I saved it. That’s right. I became like my bigger sister hoarding her larger-than-life sized Disneyland sucker well after I had already finished mine.
I saved it for my most sacred time. My bath. (Did you know I was a religious bath-taker, dearies?).

But on to my point.

Reasons I love this issue:


  1. In the editors tribute to mother’s day, she used this word - Insouciance: lack of care or concern; indifference. I delight in this.
  2. Even IF Kelly did show me my new kitchen …I found my new kitchen! It is already this gorgeous stark white, but very vintage. Therefore I will be adding cobalt and yellow to enrich this place.

In happy news!!! I received the most exciting housewarming gift from said friend above. Annette on Etsy from whom Kelly bought the print is really talented and her prints speak oodles of exaltation to my soul. I will get one more of the same orange one below, and also a blue one. Aren’t they just delish? (click on pic to view on etsy)





I hope you find what you have lost, loverlies.

p.s. i almost burned my eye off today. i had run out of contact solution, so i used some random stuff i found in my backup supplies. i completely read the label correctly and everything, but when i went to put my contacts in this morning, OH IT BURNED! I couldn't even open my eye for about 10 seconds to get the culprit out! aye, dios mio. so today, i am donning my prada glasses, and they needed to be donned anyway - the fabulousness gorgeouness of them might be SOMEWHAT overshadowed by my looks-like-a-case-of-pink-eye right eyeball. ouchy. lesson: do not use cheap contact solution.

* did you know that it's improper to add an apostrophe onto a date? It is not 1950's, but rather 1950s. grammar thought of today.

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