in the works
I've got a new idea in the brain, one I've been journaling about for a few weeks now, but only just started while on my artist retreat. I was a bit frustrated with the beginning process, but after a long dinner with BC and Umber, I was able to sort of talk my way over the roadblocks.
(Sidenote: Those two are ridiculously helpful sounding boards)
I don't yet have what other artists call their "process." I haven't been committed enough to taking writing as seriously as it demands from me (no doubt out of various fears and stubbornness), so I have not established how to go about BEGINNING a project. I usually just haphazardly scribble something in my journal or just sit at my keyboard and separate my filter from my typers, and usually I find it a magical combination for expressing myself. I almost never edit myself (although I most certainly do RE READ my posts) and find I usually am able to express exactly what it is I want to say.
But I realize that I want more out of this writing life than simply blogging. Don't get me wrong, I am 100% in favor of self-publishing and will defend it to the most dubious critic, but I am just waking up to the idea that I would like to commit to more than "off the cuff" writing. I rarely PLAN my posts...and I guess I am simply saying I would like to be more...
INTENTIONAL.
(I can see Kelly smirking).
And the truth is, I am a bit addicted to the instant gratification of sharing a piece of writing or a photo. These things are fabulous and so inspiring, but I don't want that to be ALL there is for me. I want something private, secret...something to unveil only after I've really crafted it, absorbed it, given time its time with it.
So here's my new thoughts. Thanks to the ever inspiring Plume and also to my own mind, I have two projects in the works. These are writing tasks, a journalistic canvas that I would like to commit to performing daily and want to tell you about it so you can a) ask me questions to keep me motivated and b) perhaps find some inspiration in your own neglected talents.
Henceforth, for 30 minutes per day (however often I choose...3 days/week is what I'll start with) I will close all my open (computer) windows and focus only on these projects...one at a time. I will not blog or scribble in my journal about how I broke yet another egg while poaching.
Now kitty cats, I must be VERY precarious about self-discipline. If I let my soul hear the word, it will rebel with a storm more damaging than El Nino. I must rename it, be gentle with myself, side-step the definition. I am reminded of a quote Umber shared with me...that she actually saw via Red, but it says:
"As for discipline — it's important, but sort of overrated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness. Because your writing will always disappoint you. Your laziness will always disappoint you. [...] Continuing to write after that heartache of disappointment doesn't take only discipline, but also self-forgiveness." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
I don't want to chain my gifts down and require them to produce on demand.
I refuse.
I refuse.
But I do want to give them all the open space they need to breath their way into life.
So I'll just write.
And write and write and write.
I hope you'll read, but I suppose that's not really the point now...
is it?
This time, these 30 minutes...they are all for me.
And me alone.
Of course, I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject.
Instantly!
Like NOW.
Off to write,
9 comments:
I've always felt it is strange when writers speak definitively of their "process". It's as if it is some sort of magical key that turns natural talent into true mastery, and each time I hear of a different technique, I consider emulating it. I know, however, that I would aware of this falsehood and my self-consciousness would betray me. I am not completely sure if it is because I am truly lazy or because I have always been told I am thus, but finding my own process scares the shit out of me. Good luck.
The best advice i have ever read about writing was, "Just write." Not being cheeky-- i can overthink things and i find that it's helpful for me to do something whether i really feel inspired or not. Then, the self-forgiveness comes in. I had a drawing teacher who told me that 1 good drawing out of 20 was not a bad ratio. I still believe that. My method/discipline/whatever is to stay busy. Some things you keep, but most you toss.
Self-doubt can be such a bitch. The word discipline also makes my soul turn, along with 'routine' and 'artist' and 'process,' those labels sometimes feel loaded with various meanings that can weigh down in what we like to do, write. I feel like I know exactly why you needed to post this on here, sometimes telling someone you'll do something pushes you even harder, or at least it does for me. I think we share a common case of expecting too much out of ourselves, not even knowing how to do it or manifest it just so.
Well, let me tell you, you've already inspired me to have "writing dates with myself" and I was heading to one today but might have some company with my version of your Umber Dove.
Share your journey in this new venture, it is inspiring and who knows, maybe we'll have a little writing community even if it is online :) Don't you wish you could live back when writers all gathered at bars and cafes?
Thanks for sharing this Candace, and I look forward to hearing more and seeing some of the fruits of your efforts :)
with love, s
I think it's a fabulous idea Candace. Go for it! And now that you've told us your goal, we'll keep on you if you procrastinate ;) xo
P.S. Are you enjoying this lovely heat wave?
P.P.S. I'm giving away a Shabby Apple dress if you want to take a peek! xo
For the record I did more than smirk... it was a vocal snort of laughter.
For the other records, I'm excited to 1. read this when it's ready for my eyes, 2. see how you find a new facet of yourself in it, and 3. see how your writing as a whole develops and grows with this as a loving practice. I think it might be like yoga (per our chat after class); it's one of those things that you can see the journey of growth ahead but WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT THIS MOMENT is where you are meant to be and what you are meant to experience.
Scribble on sister.
I find it hard to "just write" but we all have our own ways of working out our crafts. I have been reading a really funny and interesting book called "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott, and it is making a lot of sense to me.
I have just started reading your blog, and you have a great writing voice. Thanks for sharing it :)
This was important for me to read today - just as I am trying to get back into the habit of writing every day, of allowing myself to write shit in the hopes that once and a while I will be able to write something good again; just as I have begun my second short story ever, and don't know how to continue; just as I continue to worry that I will never be published by any two-bit journal again, that I am no good as a writer...
Thank you for being so brave and intentional.
Oh, Caitlin -
Bird By Bird is one of my favorite books.
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