from the archives of last week

August 14, 2010 Candace Morris 7 Comments

I've returned from my week of self-indulgent rejuvenation provided for me by Mrs. UmberDove.  Truth be told, I was originally headed down to be with her as she started chemotherapy, but since our healthcare system is determined to make things as difficult as it can, that has since been postponed.  It was a conflicting thing...for I did want to be there as support and distraction during treatment, but it was also so nice for us both that she got to be herself...well, thriving, funny, energetic, inspired...for a week spent with me.

It was interesting, our conversations could be summed up in two buzz words that kept creeping up:

:: INTENTIONALITY ::

:: EASE ::

:: NOTICING ::


JOURNAL ENTRIES
_______

 "cloudy.  loving it.  matches my desire to crawl under the blanket of my life and peak ever so gingerly, vulnerably.  Read, Write, Create. Be.  Take Photographs."









______


"I wander through the house, taking in the intentionality of each vignette.  I find reassurance in them, quiet in them.  In her.  She, and her things, have always put me at EASE.  Stuff.  The intentional stuff. This is a definition of home to me."




_______


"The earth is so marvelous.  So worthy of staring, gawking, of marvel.  We know this as kids, how to we unlearn it?  Teenagers.  The worst thing a human soul must endure, teenage years.  We learn then to marvel at ourselves, our insides, our emotions, our relationships.  If we don't come full circle, we're fucked."






_______


"Stumbled into this Finnish Spa...outdoor hot tubs with a cafe inside.  Magically, a live folk band plays.  A gentleman sitting close...smells of patchouli and unbathed skin, but also smoke and something else intoxicating.  The band plays this beautiful exotic Swedish folk song and I feel completely transported."





"I can nap, I can talk or not talk, I can refresh myself as I would alone.  Interesting to observe myself letting go and having anxiety about truly relaxing, flashing moments of the fear of boredom when boredom is the bitch I came to pursue."
_______






"Today I skim the surface of the soul.  I crave a mindless exercise...a movie perhaps.  My many thoughts threaten to delve me into depths of analysis and emotion of which I am simply not capable.  I love how we can be separate together as we wander through bookstores and sit in silent reverie."
_______




"Just returned from a five mile picture walk.  Have underestimated how I missed her so.  I suppose feeling so good about her, in turn, helps me feel good about myself again.  If I admire her, then I admire what she admires, so I can therefore borrow her perspective and see myself in a loving way.  This is not unlike my saint.  This reconnection with her brings me to the version of myself I most love."







_______

"Something the yoga teacher said this morning keeps repeating in my head.  Though striving towards betterment is innate to the human soul, we must remember that we are just as we should be right here and now.  The product of our striving is not the way towards satisfaction, but being at ease in the moment."











And there you have it folks...a truly sacred week of rest for me.
 I ate well, slept well, exercised well, wrote well, and loved well.


It was a very, very long drive home.
But somewhere between the Northern California seaside and the great open fields of Central Oregon,
I put the year to rest
and decided to forgive it
for being so relentlessly wretched.
And thereby forgiving myself for feeling similarly.


To the pursuit of ease,

Mme. visits Umber

If you are more curious than was sated by the above superfluity of photographs, please click your on the above photo album for even more nonsense.

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