a girl's right to pie and pain
My sister loves "Twin Peaks
." I myself never watched any of it (a problem we are remedying tonight), but ever since she moved here, she's been a bit eager to try the pie at Twedes, the cafe Kyle MacLachlan's character frequents for the "a damn fine cup of coffee" and cherry pie.
." I myself never watched any of it (a problem we are remedying tonight), but ever since she moved here, she's been a bit eager to try the pie at Twedes, the cafe Kyle MacLachlan's character frequents for the "a damn fine cup of coffee" and cherry pie. We jaunted up to North Bend
today (a mere 25 minutes from us, the old haunt of Mr. and Mrs. Clark), and ordered us a tuna melt for lunch and cherry pie for dessert. Oh my, was it tasty. Homemade perfection.
today (a mere 25 minutes from us, the old haunt of Mr. and Mrs. Clark), and ordered us a tuna melt for lunch and cherry pie for dessert. Oh my, was it tasty. Homemade perfection.Things have lightened substantially here. There are many concerns still looming, but with two phone calls back on a resume, our moods are lifting a bit. It's amazing how the slightest shift in circumstances can change your entire outlook...and it is for this very subtle reason that I refuse to believe that happiness is all about perspective...having a positive view of even the worst of situations does not change the reality that things can be just downright shitty. Being positive, hell..being happy...has never really been my goal. I suppose I want to experience life authentically, for all its shadows and light, highs and lows. However, I think I prefer my loved ones only to feel the warmest light and the highest heights, and this lesson in release is the biggest bitch of all lately...the kind that slaps your face, talks about you behind your back, and then decides to pants you on the play yard. There you stand, vulnerable and humiliated...with nothing but your tears to cloak your skin. This is the kind of bitch I mean.
I suppose it could be seen as self-deprecating that I am comfortable with undergoing pain when I would chose to extract all hurt from others' lives; or perhaps it shows a truly narcissistic hubris in my own coping mechanisms and reveals a complete lack of confidence in them. But I think the reality is that I am confident in dealing with pain and can know I will be okay...there is no such guarantee for those you love.
They may never be okay again.
They might die before you expect.
They might fall into an unrecoverable depression.
They might hurt themselves over and over again.
They may never call you back.
They may never love you as you need.
And that, my friends, THAT is the SERIOUS bitch about love.
But also the exquisite bliss.
Oh.
The.
Bliss.
Because when it turns out that they are okay, that they are healthy, that they are well, that they are happy, that they are thriving, that they call you, and that they love you in return...then the bitch falls off her high horse and heaven on earth ushers you in. The risk...oh the intoxicating gamble of love.
I am so addicted.
~crm
6 comments:
I adore every word of this post.
and you as well.
:)
I can't tell you how much I feel about this post. So many sentences could have slipped from my mouth, especially this line "having a positive view of even the worst of situations does not change the reality that things can be just downright shitty"
Wow how many times have I told myself "Jaime you should be trying be positive about this" only to have it make me feel shittier because I am not capable. I feel it all- and generally cannot mask it to be one feeling or another.
♥
Jaime
It is all so true. I am so glad that you guys went out of your way to go to the perfect pie shop for your sis.
You are lovely.
xo
I suppose it could be because of the huge nurturing heart you keep in your chest - it doesn't give itself cheap, and never flippantly, but when it does, it's larger than life.
Are you coming soon and will you make me pie?
I have been craving cherry pie since I read this yesterday.
You are so right--shit happens and the aftermath can truly suck, and all the positive platitudes in the world can't fix the situation. Indeed, they may make it worse by piling a sense of failure on top of everything else.
Hope, on the other hand, is worth nurturing. Hope not for the quick fix or easy positive reframe, but hope as glint of light around the bend in a dark passage, as belief in cycles and evolution, in the instability of high horses, in a sideways glimpse of the leading edge of joy.
- Dorothy
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