she's moved to california. i want her back.

April 07, 2010 Candace Morris 3 Comments

just for the record, so everyone knows...

i hate that kelly is gone.
hate it with great amounts of hate.

please go HERE to see a tribute to Kelly and Brad that I've put together.

I have said it to her, but I feel I must make it known publicly.  Kelly has been an integral building block to the person you see now.  She has helped me find the FIGHT required to live as an artist...even if my art is only art as I define it.

Because Kelly will be the first to tell you...that YOU are what matters.  YOUR self-definition is key...everyone else can define you as they will.  It's not your business.

Because of Kelly, I have found someone inside of me that I love.  My biggest fear is that with her absence, I might recess into the abyss of self-hate I once knew, that perhaps I was relying on her too heavily for my confidence.  I guess time will tell...but even if she isn't sitting at my fireplace weekly, even if I cannot meet her for coffee in Snoqualmie, even if our Costco trips are no more, even if I cannot dash into her gallery in the city and jaunt to cocktails afterwards...even then, I know she will be close.  There is no getting UmberDove out of your system...once you take her in, you take her in for life.

I am here.
For fucking ever.

I wonder who I will find to balance out my void.  Who will eat cheeseburgers with me and who will coerce my spouse into thinking hot dogs are good for the body?  Who will play games with me and engage in banter that makes everyone else uncomfortable?  My loving friend, you have challenged me and I've loved you for how you've loved your wife.  I hope you find your dreams, and I hope you find my goat as easy to get as ever as we spend the next years meeting halfway and eating puff pastry filled with gruyère around the campfire.  Why didn't we ever go to Boom Noodles together?



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