we have to keys to paradise - but we are mourning our time on earth

April 23, 2008 Candace Morris 4 Comments

it keeps coming in waves...this mourning.

i stayed home from work today and also ditched my always helpful counseling session in order to pack this house. but i just used it as an excuse to get some alone time and sleep in.

now i sit here, surrounded by my once home..with the things that reminded me that i could now let my guard down..and am tucking them away into boxes and crates, praying, hoping that they will rejuvenate my soul when i plant roots elsewhere.

i didn't expect this.

everyone has shuffled their lives around us for 5.5 years. we are the stay still person in the movie where everything rushes by them (did you see paris, je t'aime ...just like the vignette w/ natalie portman). we have never left anyone, and now we are leaving and changing and its really damn disorienting...

we got the keys to our new place last night and all the walls expertly measured and drafted...and even moved in our privileged booklings first...(well 13 of at least 25 boxes - hey, i told you i just adore my loves...).

it's also strange because our style has changed a bit as well, so now given the opportunity to purge our lives, we find we are willing to get rid of more and more. this also feels strange because those pieces have their own soul in my heart and have created and crafted memories for me.

for instance, we are pondering getting rid of the china cabinet. This houses the china that was given to us by the grandmother we just lost...and I am not attached to the cabinet for any other reason than it was a sort of temple for the beautiful gift of this pulchritudinous soul.

and that's only one example.

however, despite my sadness,
i do find
release of
my
tummy
knots
to
write.

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