pause
Let's take a moment, shall we?
I woke up this morning confused and frustrated from a conversation last night with my parents over some long-standing theological and psychological disagreements. They distrust psychology; I distrust church. Where does that leave us? I have no idea. It ended well, and we are all still laughing and loving each other, but I needed a moment this morning to reconnect with myself and understand my own process. My therapist calls it "self-soothing."
Any one else out there struggle with an adult relationship with your folks? I doubt I'm the only one. The point of relationships isn't to always be at peace and in agreement. The point is to be IN the relationship - tears, yelling, hugs, and all. Just like the point of life isn't to ARRIVE at conclusions as much as it is to continue the journey.
Joel took my parents to church this morning, and I've spent the last two hours with my latte and journal, reentering my soul, assuring myself to trust the work I've done to arrive where I am (which I believe to have been directed by an all-knowing other), and remembering my core values. It may not be my parents values, but they still love me and I am proud of myself for articulating that to them with courage. I've tried it their way and now I need to try it my way. Isn't that the nature of a child relating to its parents? We must make our own way and at the end of our lives, they will not be around to answer to. It's just you and the universe, kid.
Today, I've reached no conclusions save this:
Solitude is sacred. The words we say to ourselves in solitude are perhaps the most important words we will utter in the entire day. How we feel about ourselves directly impacts how we feel about others. We cannot intrinsically distrust ourselves and expect others to find us trustworthy.
You all deserve a moment alone to reconnect to who you are.
5 comments:
Thank you Candace for the reminder to listen to myself and to trust myself and to find a quiet space where I can actually hear myself.
Remember, little one, that parental units tend to behave out of fear for their former little ones. Who you are is a gift to the universe. Who you are is a gift to this almost-old-enough-to-be-a-crone struggling artist musician. I rejoice with you and your Saint in your journey and will ever be in your balcony cheering you on!
"We cannot intrinsically distrust ourselves and expect others to find us trustworthy."
Powerful stuff. Like this a lot.
My grandfather is a birther so I empathize about disagreeing with yet loving family members.
Lovely post my friend.
I was also raised in a very religious family. My parents are still very devout while my sister and I are not. It has caused some trouble, especially when I as a 30 year old woman still don’t like the idea of disappointing them. Though I 100% feel that my choices are right for me, and have a much better result than if I did what I felt they want me to do.
You are so so right, that trust in the self is essential and is really the only way to be happy in this crazy world.
xo
Eloquent, deep, spot-on.
Thanks for how you said what you said.
Dorothy
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