TOO MANY PRONGS ON THE UTENSILS OF LIFE
I've been kind of waiting for it to go away but since it's lingering, I suppose I shall extract it thus. This aforementioned it is this gnawing, annoyingly cold-sore-like discontent that keeps distracting me from enjoying my life. The little bits, the big bits, they both seem to be growing and swirling in the balloon-sized wine glass of my psyche...and the sulfites are giving me a headache. Ensue rant:
- I miss being busy. Though everyone seems to be quite jealous of this in me, I must admit that I enjoy being busy and thriving upon tasks. However, if these tasks are meaningless and invented solely to keep me busy, I rebel and cannot complete them. I've said it before, but I've quite married myself to the idea that I might be addicted to meaning and have an overdose in my life.
- I am quite discontent at the adjustment in lifestyle. How I miss the bustling energy of Capitol Hill - the subconscious knowledge that SOMETHING was going on somewhere, SOMEONE was having the time of their life, and if not...were at least in existential crisis over it and hardly complacently adapted to their less than ideal jobs, etc, etc. When you live with the young, you live with mercenaries. When you live with no one, you've only yourself to glean inspiration from. I feel uninspiring to me this ordinary night in late December.
- I feel bored with the things I usually love...writing, photography, art, fashion, cooking, etc.
- I've absolutely NOTHING to wear, ever.
- Due to No. 2, I do not walk anymore. I've therefore espoused a new weighty 5 lbs that I cannot seem to divorce from my nether regions. On top of this, I need a hair cut, eye-brow attention, and mani/pedi. These things may seem trivial to some, but they are truly integral to me feeling like me...put together, taken care of, lovely.
- I've gotten to thinking about my goals for 2010...the goals aside from the financial and fitness. I've wondered if I should go back to work to find some sort of structure to my day; I've seriously pondered going back to school online; perhaps this is the year I start marketing myself and producing myself as a professional blogger/writer. I stand at this many-pronged fork (YOU KNOW, LIKE THE ONES THEY SERVE WITH A 20-COURSE MEAL THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHEN TO USE), and I feel nothing. I feel no passion or inclination towards anything.
I'VE BECOME THE BLOB.
I think the only remedy is lots and lots of dancing.
Know any hot clubs in Hobart, Wa?
Blerg.
It must be the Monday after Christmas.
Herein lies the question for you, tell me. What do you do for inspiration?
~Back to the tequila,
crm
5 comments:
Don't know about your Hobart, but the Hobart here is absolutely incredible... Glorius, it would take the blue out of any soul (or put it back in my case)
As for inspiration - I play 60s vinyl really loudly; walk to the shops barefoot and buy a fruit/vegetable/stuff I have never cooked before; read a pile (say 10 at least) of favourite picture books - going to the children's part of the library and sitting on wee little chairs helps too... That and climbing a tree always, always feels nice.
MME,
Hmmmm, YOU inspire me by your:
contests with mail and photos,
affliction for bourbon and martinis,
the need for some pampering,
photos...their color and age,
striking eyes and hair
and that PURPLE Fedora!
Your not a blob.
I am establishing the first ever "BLOG A SHOT", I am doing hot choc, CHEERs.
I had you in my thoughts today and saw your comment, thanks!
I think that covers it, xo Biz
Em (btw, what WILL your new last name be?),
There is a Hobart on your chosen island?!!! It's fate. We must move to Australia. Picture books are a grand idea...
Dear Miss Blog O Shot,
How in (enter divinity) name do you shoot a hot choc? OUCH. I shall join you in my post-dinner 2nd cocktail of gins and tonics. I shall not be shooting it...because my second helping of mashed potatoes is preventing my stomach from such shenanigans.
Goodness, how I have been there.
I am inspired by people who do crazy things, and get me to do crazy things. Really silly races, half marathons and the like. Feeling like I am invincible by doing these things. Sometimes it just takes a really good kick in the ass to get me moving or to inspire me to change. Unexpected things done for me, as it seems you do for others. Laughing out loud in a movie theatre. Rereading Harry Potter for the dozenth time.
And sometimes, its just crying my heart out until it is bone dry and I have nothing left to give. All of my sorrows and frustrations left in a pool of tears, and when I pick myself up again, there is nothing left to do but move on.
Yep, i think i have written that at one point or another.
I don't know any specific idea, but i'm trying lately to just set smaller goals, to stick to specific things and not diffuse myself so much. It's actually really hard to do- i get distracted really easily. But when i focus on smaller things singlemindedly, it sure feels a lot better.
I don't know-- sometimes i think we just have to feel discontent too. It's pretty frustrating. You know that i vote for school, though.
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