on gratitude - to share or not to share
Despite Thanksgiving being pretty close to my number one favorite holiday, I have felt recently that even the way one expresses gratitude can be a tad...I don't know, competitive. There are many ways to eloqute the
(--enter noun(s)--) one is "thankful" for, but this year, it feels contrived, forced...obligatory even.
I had a list. It was elaborately planned (seriously unlike 90% of my blog posts) and I was going to really spend some time delving into all my overwhelming blessings. But as time passed and I felt less and less able to remember what those things really WERE, I began to panic. I left the list of things somewhere and couldn't quite remember what they were. Don't get me wrong, I am SWIMMING in seriously amazing (--noun(s)--), but I wanted to be really specific, to the point, profound.
Readers, I lost it.
I lost my profundity.
Furthermore, I realized that even though I had planned this big blog post that would surely bring tears and chills to even the most unaffected critic, I really just wanted to keep these things to myself. I wanted to write pages and pages about them in my journal; I wanted to curl up inside myself and find a private, unshared, unviewed space wherein to express my thanks for really the most simple thing.
And that is this:
That after what has been a hands-down shitty, tragic, and unlucky year, that I was able to feel any gratitude at all. Feeling the authenticity of gratitude is a gift all its own.
And though I am open and willing to share almost anything with anyone, I realized that holding onto a few beautiful gems of gratitude all for myself and the universe...well that, my dears, is nothing short of pure, self-indulgent luxury.
Entire album of Thanksgiving here: