on gratitude - to share or not to share
Despite Thanksgiving being pretty close to my number one favorite holiday, I have felt recently that even the way one expresses gratitude can be a tad...I don't know, competitive. There are many ways to eloqute the
(--enter noun(s)--) one is "thankful" for, but this year, it feels contrived, forced...obligatory even.
I had a list. It was elaborately planned (seriously unlike 90% of my blog posts) and I was going to really spend some time delving into all my overwhelming blessings. But as time passed and I felt less and less able to remember what those things really WERE, I began to panic. I left the list of things somewhere and couldn't quite remember what they were. Don't get me wrong, I am SWIMMING in seriously amazing (--noun(s)--), but I wanted to be really specific, to the point, profound.
Readers, I lost it.
I lost my profundity.
Furthermore, I realized that even though I had planned this big blog post that would surely bring tears and chills to even the most unaffected critic, I really just wanted to keep these things to myself. I wanted to write pages and pages about them in my journal; I wanted to curl up inside myself and find a private, unshared, unviewed space wherein to express my thanks for really the most simple thing.
And that is this:
That after what has been a hands-down shitty, tragic, and unlucky year, that I was able to feel any gratitude at all. Feeling the authenticity of gratitude is a gift all its own.
And though I am open and willing to share almost anything with anyone, I realized that holding onto a few beautiful gems of gratitude all for myself and the universe...well that, my dears, is nothing short of pure, self-indulgent luxury.
Entire album of Thanksgiving here:
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| Thanksgiving 2010 |
8 comments:
"And that is this:
That after what has been a hands-down shitty, tragic, and unlucky year, that I was able to feel any gratitude at all. Feeling the authenticity of gratitude is a gift all its own."
Oh boy - is it ever. That has been my year - day after week after month of wondering when something worth feeling anything other the desire to throw my hands up in the air and give up was going to happen.
I have learned to keep some of these small gratitudes that I feel to myself, and just enjoying things for what they are at the moment is all I can do for myself!
xo
Jaime
Here's to the privatizing of our healthiest indulgences, and the knowledge that it is ok, no, GOOD even to hold them close to our hearts.
I love you.
Perhaps we should be thankful that the year's almost over. That, or we can be thankful for those little things that make us secretly happy, and which can't be criticized or measured. Either way, experience is gained and Life lived, and that's more than some get.
I love you, Candi. I miss you.
I love your pix C, I can make a story of them...mine, my expressions of gratitude are frequently of the type you described...I wanted to do something, let my fur balls express their hearts but the activities did not allow me...I had to be unheard by human ears but kitty hearts and my creator knew what was in my heart...and so, I am thankful that words needs not always be expressed! Happy belated thanksgiving! : )
wise words my lady friend, sometimes it's even more profound to keep something to ourselves, hold onto it, and reflect in private...and by the way, your hair is looking ever so fabulous in that last shot...recent haircut?
Sometimes we must loose our way in order to find it again and be renewed in the awe that it deserves. And flailing in the meantime only makes finding that way again that much more precious.
Love the chilled wine in the snow shot... I'm trying to think of the Aussie equivalent... coffee perked on the heat of the pavement? Still missing Chez Morris...
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