random midday ranting from florescent hell
one of my illustrious duties here in above-referenced florescent hell is to keep the office refrigerator stocked with all kinds of corn syrup poison. today, i was refilling the diet coke when i noticed this quote on the side of the box.
in case you cannot read, this poignant quote reads;
"A walk during lunch can be energizing and relaxing. Just like a Diet Coke."
WHAT THE? Did the Coca-Cola company just compare drinking a Diet Coke to a midday walk (even more concerning...are there people stupid enough to believe such nonsense)? Let's compare a walk and a diet coke, shall we?
walk: increase cardiovascular strength and burn calories (contributing to a healthy weight and low cholesterol levels).
diet coke: though it is essentially calorie free, the artificial sweeteners used for diet sodas have been linked to leukemia and lymphoma. i would say that's pretty much the opposite of energizing, since death is an energy sucker.
walk: increases the intake of fresh air, which can contribute to peace of mind and tranquility.
diet coke: since no natural elements are involved in the process of creating this iconic beverage, i sincerely doubt my peace of mind and tranquility will be restored.
walk: exercise is directly linked to better sleep.
diet coke: caffeine is directly linked to lousy sleep.
need i go on?
alas, i did say i would be brief.
~"art thou not sorry for these heinous deeds?"
[random confession #64: i never fully dry off after a shower/bath/dip in pool. i then begin to shiver violently. this drives joel mad with my illogicality.]