random midday ranting from florescent hell

January 14, 2009 Candace Morris 6 Comments

two things.
and i will keep it brief.
let it be known that the below pictured "tights" fiasco is what happened to a pair purchased for me at Urban Outfitters. while i do have a spiritual gift of snagging hosiery on obstacles such as desks, fingernails, doors, people, and plants, rest assured that this is not my special spiritual gift in play, no! these cheapies have only been worn ONCE. i will not be buying tights there again.
h u m p f!

one of my illustrious duties here in above-referenced florescent hell is to keep the office refrigerator stocked with all kinds of corn syrup poison. today, i was refilling the diet coke when i noticed this quote on the side of the box.

in case you cannot read, this poignant quote reads;
"A walk during lunch can be energizing and relaxing. Just like a Diet Coke."
WHAT THE? Did the Coca-Cola company just compare drinking a Diet Coke to a midday walk (even more concerning...are there people stupid enough to believe such nonsense)? Let's compare a walk and a diet coke, shall we?

walk: increase cardiovascular strength and burn calories (contributing to a healthy weight and low cholesterol levels).

diet coke: though it is essentially calorie free, the artificial sweeteners used for diet sodas have been linked to leukemia and lymphoma. i would say that's pretty much the opposite of energizing, since death is an energy sucker.

walk: increases the intake of fresh air, which can contribute to peace of mind and tranquility.

diet coke: since no natural elements are involved in the process of creating this iconic beverage, i sincerely doubt my peace of mind and tranquility will be restored.

walk: exercise is directly linked to better sleep.

diet coke: caffeine is directly linked to lousy sleep.

need i go on?
alas, i did say i would be brief.

~"art thou not sorry for these heinous deeds?"

[random confession #64: i never fully dry off after a shower/bath/dip in pool. i then begin to shiver violently. this drives joel mad with my illogicality.]

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