random midday ranting from florescent hell
one of my illustrious duties here in above-referenced florescent hell is to keep the office refrigerator stocked with all kinds of corn syrup poison. today, i was refilling the diet coke when i noticed this quote on the side of the box.
in case you cannot read, this poignant quote reads;
"A walk during lunch can be energizing and relaxing. Just like a Diet Coke."
WHAT THE? Did the Coca-Cola company just compare drinking a Diet Coke to a midday walk (even more concerning...are there people stupid enough to believe such nonsense)? Let's compare a walk and a diet coke, shall we?
walk: increase cardiovascular strength and burn calories (contributing to a healthy weight and low cholesterol levels).
diet coke: though it is essentially calorie free, the artificial sweeteners used for diet sodas have been linked to leukemia and lymphoma. i would say that's pretty much the opposite of energizing, since death is an energy sucker.
walk: increases the intake of fresh air, which can contribute to peace of mind and tranquility.
diet coke: since no natural elements are involved in the process of creating this iconic beverage, i sincerely doubt my peace of mind and tranquility will be restored.
walk: exercise is directly linked to better sleep.
diet coke: caffeine is directly linked to lousy sleep.
need i go on?
alas, i did say i would be brief.
~"art thou not sorry for these heinous deeds?"
crm
[random confession #64: i never fully dry off after a shower/bath/dip in pool. i then begin to shiver violently. this drives joel mad with my illogicality.]
6 comments:
"illogicality..."
SNORT
Down with DC.
Here's to the strolls.
LOVE YOUR SOUL.
XO
sadly i have a huge weakness for all things carbonated and in order to keep myself from becoming the polar opposite of svelte while still satisfying my bubbly craving i DO consume diet coke (well coke zero actually) or diet dr pepper or diet whatever else. but i ALSO behave very often and just have club soda or sparkling water with lemon lime or raspberry flavour. no aspartame. my bevvy of choice with brekkie is cranberry juice with sparkling water as i cannot stand full strength juice of any description. so i cannot jump on the down with diet coke train as it would be entirely hypocritical, but i DO agree that walks/runs/any form of exercise is much more beneficial to heart, mind, soul, etc than the dreaded DC. what else was i going to comment on? i've forgotten....who knew you could ramble in type?
and by 'you' i mean me. definitely. verbal diarrhea.
While working in an office, I saw a 'larger girl' come into the break room I was lounging in and purchase a pack of Peanut M&M's from the vending machine. Out of guilt or shame, she felt it necessary to explain the purchase to me. Her justification... "I haven't had any protein today."
Apparently the chocolate helps the protein go down smoother. I don't doubt she is the type to wash it down with a DC thinking, "man, this beverage is as refreshing as a nice lunchtime walk."
I don't dry off completely, either. weird. It's bad for your skin to rub dry and it takes to long to pat dry. Besides, shivering burns calories.
"shivering burns calories" hahahaha
So I'm thinking, if we just nix the sodas and take a walk through the rain, we'll be doubling up on our calorie burning AND stickin' it to the Corn Syrup Man (oh Lord, and you know I have some beef with him!).
I love the illogicality of the junk food industry. It just makes me love the world of false advertising that much more. Nope.
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