to the green jello pool and other thoughts on shit not going wrong
it's happening even as i sit at my dining room table. the hour approaches midnight, octavia stares at invisible mice in the ceiling, i'm shrouded in the shadow of my blooming forsythia, taking one last swing of a 2005 Tinto that my husband left for me to taste.
and it hits me.
it's happening.
you know...IT.
i peruse etsy and admire all things i see (especially this!) and i sigh with the realization of it. i peek over my shoulder with admiration at my new freshly-painted bookshelf (tune in soon for the before/after blog). i ponder the events of tomorrow; i wonder of those far from me...
and it hits me.
and it hits me.
nothing is wrong.
"make it easy, only just for a little while,"*
lady whit.
*thank you mz. neko case
*random confession: i weep like a baby every time i hear the song "i hope you dance." it's possibly the most UNCOOL song in the world, but those lyrics are so damn good. also, i am going to go make a midnight burrito and play carcassone on the xbox. the end.
i was shocked too! upon further internal assessment, i realize that i feel buoyed up, bobbing in this pool of lime jello, frantically searching for my familiar piece of rotting driftwood upon which to float back to the land of frustration, repression, despair, irritation, and doubt. there is no such wood.
i tongue the mouth of my life; i linger, i savor, i seek the sour. is this true?! in a panic i think that this MUST be due to my oversight, my mistreatment of an issue, my not dealing with something. with relief, i realize that being blindsided by myself is not really probable; i am dealing, i am aware, i am present.
and yet still...
the tranquility.
so it has survived the taste-test of an ever discerning palate acclimated to a diet of wounds, competition, and oh so bitter herbs.
having accessed this state of general contentedness and staving off the portent of waiting for the shit to hit the fan, i am therefore determined to blow up a floaty, grab a straw for my mai-tai, throw my arms behind my head, and linger here for as long is allotted to my weary soul. there is nothing like lounging in a bowl full of jello after a year in a foxhole.
i tongue the mouth of my life; i linger, i savor, i seek the sour. is this true?! in a panic i think that this MUST be due to my oversight, my mistreatment of an issue, my not dealing with something. with relief, i realize that being blindsided by myself is not really probable; i am dealing, i am aware, i am present.
and yet still...
the tranquility.
so it has survived the taste-test of an ever discerning palate acclimated to a diet of wounds, competition, and oh so bitter herbs.
having accessed this state of general contentedness and staving off the portent of waiting for the shit to hit the fan, i am therefore determined to blow up a floaty, grab a straw for my mai-tai, throw my arms behind my head, and linger here for as long is allotted to my weary soul. there is nothing like lounging in a bowl full of jello after a year in a foxhole.
"make it easy, only just for a little while,"*
lady whit.
*thank you mz. neko case
*random confession: i weep like a baby every time i hear the song "i hope you dance." it's possibly the most UNCOOL song in the world, but those lyrics are so damn good. also, i am going to go make a midnight burrito and play carcassone on the xbox. the end.
4 comments:
Oh how I adore your words Mrs Bookling, so completely, even when nothings wrong.
oh my god, there are so many songs i can't help but cry to when i hear them...so don't worry, you're not alone ;)
also, this was a pretty amazing snippet really; love the writing. AND I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE FEELING HAPPY!!!! (/content/whatever) have a fantastic thursday
p.s. I cry to Sinead O'connor's "I do not want what I haven't got"
I miss you so deeply right now. And am savoring SO, with a mischievous smile, your confession! And the mental pic of you playing video games:) Can't wait to see you my dearest.
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