into the greyThere is a great deal of bated breath around my loved ones these days. The momentum of news, the fear of the good, the disappointment of the bad, the indecision of the universe.
30 January 2011
And in the reception room of existence
Deciding to hope against the annoyance of sitting still
Suffocating under the potential of our name being next.
Rushing to the prognosis. It will be, as it always is...
Human's are resilient little fuckers, but who do they think they are...coming and going as they please?
There is some sort of urgent dread birthing in my being.
I am looking for answers.
Well, one answer, really.
It's no longer IF I want ___.
But WHY I want ___.
And this is an answer I must come to before proceeding.
While I seek this, life still happens. Birth, death. Requests, rejections.
My family of friends and kin are pursuing their lives with bated breath.
They move to a new home.
They take their first steps.
They begin a family.
They apply to their future.
There is loss in the hope.
The risk is great.
The reward, better.
For now, I enter a grey cloud.
The pain is this big cozy cowl my mom made me.
And I will feel it.
I am not scared.
But I shake like hell in my boots.