good amidst more growth neededThe other day, I realized some new things about myself - and despite me trying to give myself a break from personal growth, I noticed some personal growth.
1) I had made progress in my ability to be less "sticky." I have always been very sensitive and observant, so even the annoying flicker in Joel's eye when I am being unreasonable, or the passive aggressive tones displayed in work conflicts - any and everything was noticed and internalized. This made for a very sticky personality; my therapist once told me I was like a porcupine - that everything got entangled on my skin. We have been working on other matters, but I realized on Friday after a particularly frustrating time at work that I was able to leave it at work. When I was teaching, I never could leave anything at work - emotionally. But now, I feel like I am getting thicker and thicker skin, and I really couldn't be more pleased.
2) I am also really enthused about my new-found ability to live in the moment. I have somehow developed some new compartments in which to put worry. If I have something high-anxiety approaching (a big week at work, a paper for school, public speaking, a big vacation for which I need to plan, etc), I would usually spend the time preceding the event worrying about it. For instance, on Friday - I had a high-stress day at work, and by the time I left, I knew Monday and Tuesday would be the same. Previously I would have not been able to keep that from ruining my weekend plans. But for whatever reason (I think it's the soul work I have been doing), I noticed that I was able to enjoy my weekend, and not because I just didn't think about my week, but because I am now somehow able to enjoy the moment now and realize that I can sustain myself in more and more situations...I am centered and feel sufficient with me...which is probably the main difference.