pray

December 23, 2013 candacemorris 0 Comments

"For small creatures such as these, the vastness is bearable only through love." Carl Sagan

Though it is not my news to share
It is my existence in danger.
Not in physicality, but in every other way.
We wait on this cold night
sparkling with the stars
I've hung on my window.

I will avoid the morning,
Ever embracing the night.
Do the dishes and take a bath.
Read articles on parenting and restaurants.

I cannot help but feel everything hinges on tonight,
the crux
the turning point
the timestamp
for whatever tomorrow brings,
it will bring change.

Through worry and tears.
In the presence of my constant companion
Anxiety elbowing out any breath loitering about in my lungs.
Heart pounding down the doors of the universe.
And despite myself, I pray.
To everything
To nothing
To be spared and be returned to youth where we didn't think about cancer
Or a life other than how it should go.
Other than our plans.

And then I remember I am nothing
And everything revolves around something else.

And how many people drive in their cars to and from appointments and work and the grocery store
Tortured by similar questions and fear of loss,
Wondering what and why and how and no.
Carried by the things we do for others,
Moved deeply to express our love.

And I am not alone.
She is not alone.
The oldest roots of the ancient Redwood forest are not alone.

So we bear
witness wait
pray.