trial separation
Well thank the gods that little experiment is OVER! Joel arrived safely back into Seattle's brisk arms ever-so-early this morning. After 3 hours of sleep, he sauntered off to work this morning like the hard worker I fell in love with 10 years ago.
I was full of ignorance. Turns out, it's the one leaving that gets all the independence and freedom. When the tables turned and I was the one at home pining for Joel for the 15 days of his absence, shit got ugly. My brain messed with my being and it wasn't fun. Suddenly I found myself trying to be as social as possible, not wanting to journal or write for fear that delving into my brain without someone around to pull me out would result in something dark.
I've spent a lot of time thinking, hoping, and I daresay praying (more like a desperate pleading with the heavens) about my marriage. It was a time to write love-letters again. We are birthing into new people and though my questions about us do scare me, I am reminded that everyone has a story. We are past our introduction and heading uphill to the rising action. I'm totally fatigued, sweating, and barely recognize the path, but I am not alone and I know the denouement is ahead of us, for better or worse.
Dating: August 2001
Married: June 2011
"I don't know what the future holds but I am willing to walk into the darkness (or flames) holding your hand. I believe in you... and I believe in us. Our faith is the greatest church and our love is the most beautiful cathedral I have ever stood in." Joel Morris, October 30, 2011
8 comments:
Whew! Don't scare me like that. I am glad to hear he is back and you two are still an item. A real love story always makes me happy.
I am only 4 years into my relationship with Tim - a greenhorn, a babe in arms, really. Still, I am thinking of you - thinking I know some of what you are going through. I hope for a fierce, strong re-blossoming for both of you. I hope for an assurance and stability.
Oh the beauty.... I love your journey, and I think you two are quite the pair.
xoxo,
A
Joyful - hehe. I knew it would be a shock. :)
Lizzy - Joel and I were very mature for our age, from the beginning. I suspect the same is true of you and Tim, and I glean any and all truth you find in your relationship as well.
Allison - thank you for your love.
Girls, I fully expect that as we hunker down and find our new selves, that we will emerge in a new love again and again, almost without trying.
Then as it was, then again it will be
An' though the course may change sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea
Blind stars of fortune, each have several rays
On the wings of maybe, down in birds of prey
Kind of makes me feel sometimes, didn't have to grow
But as the eagle leaves the nest, it's got so far to go
Changes fill my time, baby, that's alright with me
In the midst I think of you, and how it used to be
Did you ever really need somebody, And really need 'em bad
Did you ever really want somebody, The best love you ever had
Do you ever remember me, baby, did it feel so good
'Cause it was just the first time, And you knew you would
Through the eyes an' I sparkle, Senses growing keen
Taste your love along the way, See your feathers preen
Kind of makes makes me feel sometimes, Didn't have to grow
We are eagles of one nest, The nest is in our soul
Vixen in my dreams, with great surprise to me
Never thought I'd see your face the way it used to be
Oh darlin', oh darlin'
I'm never gonna leave you. I never gonna leave
Holdin' on, ten years gone
Ten years gone, holdin' on, ten years gone
Love to you both. Lots and lots of love.
Seriously, I am not the kind of person who gets emotional over anything, but this made me cry. I am so happy that Joel is there to put the mirror to your amazing and beautiful person.
Like the seasons, sometimes we are stuck with the unleaving, the overwhelming overflow, the naked, only to make ready room in our hearts and eyes for what comes after.
(you know how I swoon for you two; your story, the ebb and flow)
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