the things the universe reveals to me when i am in water

July 29, 2008 Candace Morris 15 Comments

during yester-eve's late night steamy soak with new bubbles (thanks jenn!), i had an interesting encounter with a baby spider.

as a child, i hated and killed any creepy crawly in my path. growing up in the high desert of southern california, there were many roaches in my childhood. i remember turning the light on in the bathroom at night and hearing two or three scatter to the baseboards.

i was not fascinated by bugs. i was not one of those girls in dirt and overalls and contentment. instead i insisted on a daily wearing of my favorite pair of bumble-bee tights (see below) and pranced around in all my girlishness. (i did, however, freakisly love and persue rolly-pollys).

as i grew into the lady you see now, i found - as many of you know- that my child inside was not fully-developed. as i worked on allowing my innocence, naivety, dependence on others, and embracing of the not-so-serious-all-the-time, i found myself growing more and more fond of nature and living things. this was the most happy accident i have yet encountered in my brief 30 years.

for instance, in the last five years, my eyes have been glued to the sky in pursuit of my feathered friends - learning all about their habits, sounds, distinctions, and environments. In the natural wake of this hobby, I have also come to notice trees and all things green.

So when I was camping, Kelly shooed out a little shrew from the bathroom, and I was so relieved b/c I thought for a second that the little guy wouldn't make it. He was soo scared. Also when I was camping, I killed a mosquito, and I felt so strangely bad about the vehemence with which I slammed his body up against the bathroom wall. I realize that this insect sucks human blood, but still - I am all of a sudden MUCH TOO SENSITIVE to the living. I mean, who am I to end something else's life, especially if it presents no direct threat to me?

So last night, as my bathtub fills with hot water (did you know I must be IN the bath as it's filling? I have found this to be helpful in the acclamation (joel says scalding) of my skin to the heated water) I notice this sad little spider climbing for dear life out of the tub, but he keeps slipping in the water.

Before I know what I am doing, I put my finger out for the spider to perch on and assist it up the wall. As I was thinking later of that spider, which was still quite visibly freaked out, I wondered if there is anything in insect psychology about post traumatic stress disorder because if you were a creature 6mm in size and this huge fleshy branch thing was flying at you, lifted you out of the slippery abyss of porcelain and set you gently on the top of the abyss again, you would probably be BEYOND therapy.

Will this spider recover? Will it always fear the color of my flesh? Will it be strange and withdrawn from his spidey friends? Will they all talk about him and tisk in shame at the sad digression of his life, "Isn't it so sad what happened to Gaspard?....such a waste, he used to have so much potential...oh, his poor parents."

What's it like to be a spider?

These are the thoughts
the water graciously brings me.
The thoughts of a child.

19. A great new book from Dad that he recommended and I am eager to read. Forgot the name, though.

20. An amazing bday meal from mom, wherein we had a cheese plate by the orchard, then moved to the deck where we gazed at the fountain and nasturshim blooming, and then ate a fabulous meal followed by an ice-cream cake to die for...thanks momma!

21. A fabulous gift card to the NEW H&M that just opened in Seattle from my Julie and Tim (along with promises of cocktails if I go shopping WITH them...well, if you HAVE to pull my chain, i guess....). I am excited to have an excuse to get down to the new store.

22. Brian and Jennifer gave me an original designed shirt by Brian that made me weep. I mean it. I was sobbing. That freaking guy took a photograph of John Steinbeck and drew it out to be silk screened - and then put a dialogue cloud above him to say "timshol." This gift penetrated my soul in the most ferocious and acute way - and I felt so known and understood (two emotions I have long since lost my acquaintance with) by the gesture that I could not believe it. I love it dearly and will be photographing it shortly here for you. He is selling them here in his etsy shop.

My PB & J calls me (what are you eating for lunch?)

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