an experiment

September 29, 2008 Candace Morris 3 Comments

call me marie curie...
but this week, crm is in a beaker.
i am going to try a little experiment.

every weeknight this week, i am going to take a sort of sabbatical.
by some miraculous act of god or nature, i have zero social events on my calendar this week.
so, as an exercise in a life of simplicity and solitude, i will keep it that way - even if something spontaneous comes up.

sorry if you were planning on showing up with a bottle of wine and taking me shopping, but i have to pass until next week (when you, of course, do the exact same thing!).

this doesn't come out of a desire to be alone or even feeling like i have been too "social." in fact, i feel the opposite...and this is what scares me. i always think i am doing so well, and in those seasons of vivaciousness forget to give myself equal amounts of solitude...and not just solitude, but soulful solitude...but more on that later.

i think i have forgotten how to be alone...and be alone well. in the opportunities i have been given since living in our new place (6 months already!), i have felt very strangely without joel and have digressed into dark and frustrating places. in a effort to recapture my bliss and soul within that alone time, i think i need a bit more practice...but WITH joel around (he doesn't count as much for alone time...) in order to keep me from falling off the precipice of my introversion in an unhealthy way. let me tell you, for such an independent lass, i sure have become attached to that guy...

so here goes. a week of crm.

tonight was day one:
  • i got to sit and read for 45 minutes in the gentle 6pm sunlight as joel made a lovely garden meal from produced fresh-picked yesterday at his parent's house. he made homemade garlic focaccia bread, and then sauteed beet greens, swiss chard, and beets atop turmeric rice. we also opened a bottle of wine from our cellar...and it was lovely, but...
  • even after such a lovely meal, we both still felt cross and a bit sour. we decided to take an urban walk.
  • we walked up the five blocks to grab a cup of coffee/tea (can you guess who had what?), and stroll by a new restaurant wherein joel said "next date!."
  • we kept walking towards St. Mark's Cathedral and looked at some of the service times. Turns out there was a centering prayer (meditation) happening right then, so we stepped into the hushed cathedral and observed - both deciding to come back. That cathedral was heavy, hushed, and dark - so, so beautiful and calm.
  • we talked the 1.5 miles back via some gorgeous stairs (much easier going DOWN them) and daydreamed about owning a home someday...stopped in a garden for more than one lippy kiss.
  • favorite part of the conversation was when i mused about being alive in the 1800's wherein my day consists of wearing a lavish house-dress, latin lessons, piano lessons, painting lessons, horseback riding lessons...and all this before lunch. there must be a benefactor buzz going round the block.
  • we are back home now, and here is my view from the computer. sigh.
This is what I mean by soulful time at home, I guess. I am trying to use my alone time more deliberately instead of either vegging out at the computer or doing chores. I have only been really doing those two things at home, and at that prospect, who wouldn't be depressed? I have to shake myself of this boredom, grab a yoga class, and get on my application to grad school in Glasgow. (After all, their stock market didn't have it's largest drop in HISTORY today. I say it's time to get out!)

this is what my life will be like this week.
but i think it's gonna be good.
because i am getting a bit desperate.

evermore pensive,

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