something to hate.

June 03, 2008 Candace Morris 4 Comments

As I walked around downtown on my lunch break, I had a thought.

“I could have a child, or I could have cute shoes.”

But I digress.

As I lounged into the soothing spa where I get my eyebrows (ahem) manicured, and this cute little esthetician buzzed about me in her meticulous hair-seeking manner, my mind drifted towards loftier thoughts - as it often does with meditative music, warm light, and prostration.

I got to thinking about the things every woman hates about herself. The nit-picky thing that our friends assure us we are i.n.s.a.n.e to believe and yet the things we simply cannot love about ourselves.

Then my esthetician sweetly moved my wispy, stringy, dull, lifeless bangs out of the way of my eyebrows. Perhaps you can guess what one thing I hate about myself might be.

Shall I list the ways? (bear with me, proving a point):

  • Thin hair
  • Big nose
  • Big red mole on leg
  • Thick legs and ankles
  • Scar on nose
  • Face too round
  • Eyes too little
  • Big hands
  • Breasts too small and hips too big (aka. HELLO PEAR).
  • Feet too big’
  • Gross natural hair color

You get my point. These things I realize are ludicrous, but are the things I have poisoned myself with hating all these years.

So what if I applied the philosophy of self-love that I have been using on my insides to my help heal my OUTSIDES? I think what it means to love my thin hair is to just let it be thin – for me to stop doing millions of things to fight nature and just accept my thin hair. I know I can deal with it, and I think I wear it well – but I still really tragically miss the thick hair I am somehow entitled to.

you know. the hair that god freaking robbed me of. duh.

So I start loving my body like I have decided to love my thoughts and my art with the same motto, “I will love it because it’s mine,” then I believe that can help me start to love my perceived faults.

And wouldn’t you know it. The next time she brushed my hair from my forehead, I had the smallest twinge of affirmation for my hair.

Because it’s mine.

And I will love it. Lemme prove it to you.

I love my skin.
I love my eye color.
I love my lip shape.
I love my nail strength and shape.
I love my sholders.
I love my waist.
I love my how fine, blonde, and nonexistent my leg/arm hair is.


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