filling in the [bulleted] blanks

October 29, 2008 Candace Morris 12 Comments

I'd rather be:

  • cuddling with the saint on a made-for-two lounge chair, our wool-socked feet stretched out before us, blanketed in affection while we watch star wars and sip hot cider from these mugs.
  • at my own bookstore, imbibing a ben-made cappuccino, a jessica-made apple-tart, and watching my toe-headed son sit in the corner and read an uncle brian-written children's book under a kelly-made masterpiece.
  • redoing my kitchen. getting rid of everything and starting completely over with ONLY things i love.
  • antique shopping.
  • learning to make apple-butter.
  • in school.
  • picnicking under the trees in this the apple orchard.

I am:

  • happier lately. i think. it hit me friday as i took myself out on a writing date. i didn't think about it then and i choose not to think about it now least the light-hearted season run like the dickens out the thrown-open shutters of my soul.
  • in black. naturally.
  • irritated to have seen the exact same hair (only perfectly platinum) on the bus this morning. she had amazing legs to boot.
  • drinking cold coffee.
  • looking forward to a night of solitude.
  • one episode into watching Six Feet Under: Season 1. So far, I am totally intrigued. I never saw it the first time around.
  • overwhelmed by keeping in touch...
  • gearing up for the holidays - making a budget, checking it twice...
  • aching to hold a sleeping baby.
  • wondering if getting into design is a bad idea - i want. i want. i want.
  • a mystery, a distant star, a nocturnal owl, an opinionated reader.
  • lovely.
I can:
  • read. i am very thankful for this fact...and for working eyes.
  • breath. must do it more deliberately.
  • choose to see people with compassion, and spread my wings to encompass even those who seem hell bent on brushing past others in their own pain. (i can. right?)
  • love the ones i love and love them well.
  • write...
  • give myself my own mani/pedi. (hey! this isn't i WANT).
  • eat a cookie for breakfast.
  • detach and detangle - keep my boundaries safe and secure.
  • learn to love new things. would like to learn to run, to oil-paint, to fish, to do web-design, to redecorate, to speak french, to better my wine palate, and to play piano.
I imagine:
  • the beautiful escape emily provides for me today in her words.
  • my fingers working happily on my cold-weather crocheting projects
  • a workspace dedicated to my every whim...all for me. i would have a saw (and learn to use it. i love saws), a darkroom with camera equipment, a writing desk with a view, a big work table for silly projects i dream up (mobiles), a computer, a big lounge chair and bookshelves, and full kitchen to learn to bake like i know i could...i think i need my own apartment. hah!
  • transporting myself to different places and people, dropping in for visits and laughter. i would stop in redding, riverside, lancaster, san diego, mexico, idaho, chicago, georgia, florida, new york, maine, and paris. i would hug old friends, kiss babies, be snuggled by parents, embrace my new friends, wander around bookstores, and eat lobster.
  • a kitchen with a nook like this, complete with armchairs and view.
  • a vacation with joel that includes an open-air cabana, sarong skirts and bikini tops (for me), sand in my toes, the ocean in my veins, mahi mahi in my belly, and tequila en mi boca. i am good wife when i am relaxed. darn good.
  • my hands as an accomplished pianist...i would warm up today with some Yann Tiersen ("La Valse d'Amélie") and then move on to learning the theme from The Diving Bell and The Butterfly by Paul Cantelon, then I would end my practice session with Claude Debussy's Clair de Lune or Ravel's Jeux d'eau
  • myself as Catherine Earnshaw - gathering my marsh-stained skirts about me as i jump from rock to rock in the moors. it's time to go in...and i have hot bread, aged port, and warming fire waiting for me at home - but i cannot bring myself to end my explorations. my cheeks are pink, my wild hair is loose in the wind, and i am breathlessly balancing on the cusp of the day.

I adore:

  • wikipedia
  • the warmth of joel in my bed
  • the november issue of domino
  • the universal wish list button from amazon
  • vouge's best-dressed weekly finds - esp the burberry dress on number 10.
  • what it feels like to be married for six, steady, romantic. as dramatic as the coco chanel I wore down the aisle, as warm as the goose-down-comforter on our bed, as comforting and hot as the v.s.o.p i drink at my neighbor's house. he makes me aware only of the me i like...
  • the name anouk
  • hummus
  • office supply stores
  • Cannery Row
  • the pomeranian in my building
  • listening to NPR

And as for you, dear reader.
Let's tiptoe out of these florescent rooms
Let's go on the roof and let our hair get tangled
Let's open a bottle of pelligrino with lime (but shake it first)
Let's not forget to breath in the frivolity of the moment.

And you can whisper to me,
or better yet,
pass me your scribbled answers...

what would you rather?
what are you?
what can you?
what do you imagine?
what do you adore.

and i cross my heart, hope to die, stick a thousand needles in my eye...
that i
a soul.
(except mine).

~lady whit

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